a new day...

the gracious hand of our God is on everyone who looks to Him.
ezra 8:22

last week i had one of those days. it was just one of those no good. horrible. bad days. you know we all have them. situations occur, you are tested on every level. you say things to the ones closest to you that you should not have said. your tone was wrong. you shed tears, you shake your head in disbelief. you get angry, impatient and mad. you take it out on everything and everyone in your path. it may not be throwing things or lashing out. we each have our own way of handling the our emotions.

i have a hard time keeping my emotions back, i can not hide how i feel especially with those that are closest to me. i was dealing with something that caused me so much pain and it had nothing to do with my family. but my kids got the worst of me that day and not the best. because i was shaken and broken and just couldn't get it together. and as hard as i tried i just could not shake it off.

the quality time didn't happen. i didn't talk nice. i just couldn't wait for bedtime. i just needed to be all by myself. in a quiet place to think, to breathe, to cry. deep inside, i knew i handled it wrong with my kids. i let my negative emotions get the best of me. but i hadn't the strength to handle it right. to suppress my emotions and be the mom i knew i should be. it is hard to admit but it is the truth.

not giving myself any kind of excuses, fully knowing it is an area of weakness for me, i tucked each of them into bed and whispered, "mommy is so sorry that i was impatient with you and that i yelled a lot today, but tomorrow when we wake up this will be behind us. this day will be over. and tomorrow will be a new day and we can start all over."

and only because of His grace.

but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 corinthians 12:9

consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials
of many kinds, because you know that the testing
of your faith develops perseverance.

james 1:2


Terri said...

Bless you for your honesty. My husband is so good at apologizing to our children when he does wrong. I have a harder time! But I know the Lord requires it. Just like you, I am SO thankful for His grace! Blessings!

Melanie said...

What an AWESOME Mommy you are to acknowledge your sin to your children & ask for forgiveness. You are setting an example that your children are not going to see many other places...because we ALL blow it & are rotten, especially to those we hold most dear, but not many are big enough to own up to their sin like that! I'm so thankful for the Lord's grace that is poured out on me daily...'cause I sure need it!
Hope that you have had a better week! Blessings dear one!