it's here...

today i have had a lot less energy and i have been extremely emotional. and then around mid-morning i just had this yucky feeling, and it was all to familiar once i realized what it was. ahhh, yes, "morning sickness", although for me and all of my pregnancies i don't experience it in the morning - i get it anytime of the day and sometimes all day long. if you haven't had this feeling before - it is yucky. you just feel motion sick, queasy, unsettled and gag really easy.

as it got close to lunch time, i thought about what i would eat. i decided on a chili dog, as soon as the smell of the chili and the hot dog came flowing out of the microwave and i got one scent of it - i was done with the chili dog -- could not eat it at all. the thought of it gagged me, the smell of it gagged me - yuckkooo!

that is one of the hardest parts for me having "morning sickness" is being hungry but not being able to eat what is in the house. i settled for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. although, i am having a SERIOUS craving for some japenese food!!

bye bye blogroll....

every once in awhile i get in the mood to add and change my blog - don't we all. well as i was looking it over, i realized that my blogroll was insanely long and that there were several friends that i had not added. it is so exciting that so many people are getting into blogging!!! if i would continue to add all of my friends and others i know with blogs my blogroll would literally take over the page. so instead of picking and choosing who is on the blogroll - i decided to just not deal with a blogroll. my blog isn't suppose to cause me stress so bye bye blogroll!

i just wanted to let you all know that to keep it simple i am not having a blogroll but i am still
reading your blogs!!!!


cleaning vs. napping...

as i was getting ready to go to my midwife appointment this morning, i began to take notice of the disastrous state that my house is in. it is a serious mess! it is unorganized, cluttered and not very clean. taking notice to all of this, i was really in the mood to "spring clean" this morning. i had made a mental list of all the things i was going to attempt to clean and organize this afternoon, including my van.

after getting home from a rather long appointment - i was not in the mood, nor did i have an ounce of energy left. so instead of hitting my projects - i hit the pillow and took a nap. and i didn't feel guilty at all. this cold and this pregnancy has really taken a lot out of me and i just couldn't bring myself to do anything but sleep. i don't know when my house will get cleaned.

on another note, my midwife's appointment went really well. i had jesiah with me and we had to wait a little longer than usual, so at times it was hard to entertain a three year old in a doctor's office. i vowed next time to go by myself! but as far as the pregnancy part - so far so good. i am about 6 weeks and 3 days! i will go back in 4 weeks and we should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat by then. everyone was excited to see us and know we were there for baby #4 and they couldn't believe jesiah was the "baby" and he was getting so big!

so this afternoon, i am just trying to get some energy to get off of the couch and attempt to do something productive. we have momtourage tonight - which i am looking forward to. i could use a night out with friends! i just hope i have the energy to get myself there!!!


numerous blessings...

a baby is always a blessing! always. i have begun to see already what this new baby is going to add to our family. last saturday, i called my sister, who lives in pittsburgh, to tell her our news. she was so excited, she was near tears. we hadn't told our parents so i told her to keep a secret for awhile.

on monday night, we went to my parents' house to tell them the big news. after we told them, my sister called, not knowing we were there. she told my mom she was ready to move to north carolina with us!!! yahooooo! this is an answered prayer of ours.

about a year and a half ago my sister who just turned 30, went through some really hard changes in her life. these changes brought her from montana to pittsburgh. when this happened, we began praying for her to mover here, but she chose pittsburgh. she has lived there since then. and now she is ready to come "home".

when she was on the phone with my mom, she told her that part of her decision was made because i was pregnant and she wanted to be near us during this time. she missed us, the kids and wanted to be a part of this baby's new life.

i know God is using this baby in a mighty way - and she (he) is not even 6 weeks old (in utero)!!! wow!! won't she love to hear this story when she gets older!!

here is a picture of my sister, (she's in the middle), jordyn and me!

soon you will be seeing her around town and prayerfully at elevation too!!!!!!

an answer...

so with this new baby on the way, i am hearing and seeing God's direction for my life. i had been feeling very unsettled for quite some time and not sure what i was suppose to be doing with my life. with my kids getting older, i thought through the possibility of going back to work this fall. i felt like that may be what God was requiring of me. i thought if i worked full time, it would really help us chip away at the amount of debt we have obtained. our "sun stand still" prayer is to be debt-free. jamil and i have stuck hard to this prayer and know God is going to provide, just not sure how.

when i found out baby #4 is on her (his) way. i knew God was not asking me to go back to work full time. i know that He plans for me to stay home and raise our children. i feel like God has given back to me "my purpose," i feel like i know that i can become settled at being a stay at home mom. i don't have to worry about what am i going to do or what does He want me to do. He has given me His answer!

with knowing my purpose and what He is calling me to do and where He is calling me to be in this stage of life, i need to make a few changes. i have really been living in the future waiting for this change of my life to happen and figure out what my purpose was to be - i kept looking ahead and not living in the moment. this is my first change - i am going to start enjoying and really embracing each day and not worrying about what the future holds. God has given me my answer. He wants me right here where i have always been. now it is time for my heart to be there too.


when mom is sick...

yesterday, i started feeling sick again ~ flu like symptoms ~ not pregnancy ones (yet). about mid-morning yesterday, i felt like i was hit by a truck. i was coughing, weak, tired, had chills, aches and a fever. so i planted myself on the couch, gave the little kiddos a very simple lunch, which i barely had to prepare - i opened some yogurt and a granola bar for them. i put a movie on for them and they were so good. they watched movies and ate popcorn. i was a mess. i had a list of stuff i had planned to do yesterday and ALL of it i had to put on hold. and i did nothing but rest.

jamil came to my rescue, he picked josh up from school for me and then he took care of the kids and the house for the majority of the evening. he cooked dinner for them and cleaned up the kitchen. he had to leave for josh's basketball practice, since he is the coach - i thought i could make it through without him for an hour and a half. as he was leaving, it was probably the worse i had felt all day. after he left, i called my mom in tears. i was feeling so bad and something about calling your mom just makes it better. she offered to help me out, thankfully she lives close enough to do so now. but i just needed to cry about how bad i felt.

it is soooo hard to be sick when you are a mom and a wife. there are so many things that we do during a day and when we are down and out, it seems like the house is going to fall apart. i kept thinking about all the things i should be doing while i was resting. i worried if jamil would remember to pack josh's lunch and if he did would it be healthy? then i worried about the homework he needed to finish, and the pile of laundry waiting to be folded, and the dishwasher that needed to be emptied and reloaded. my mind worried the entire time i rested. my house seemed to be in chaos and i couldn't do anything to fix it. i knew if i pushed it, it would not be good for me or for the little teeny baby in my belly. so i tried to forget about all that had to be done and tried to rest and relax and sleep on and off.

getting sick is like a temptation for a control freak like me. i do not like to give up control of the things i do. i like help, but i don't like to feel helpless. and for a type a personality, resting is not ever on my agenda. so getting sick and having to rest is not something i know how to do very well.

last night, jamil decided to take the day off to help me out today (isn't he the best!!!) i was actually feeling somewhat better this morning and told him he could go onto work, but he said he would stay in case i started feeling worse. and f he stayed home today, i could completely rest and be better on thursday - and he could be back at work tomorrow. then, we decided to skip on our small group tonight and will probably cancel our high school group tomorrow night to ensure that i am making a 100% recovery. i will probably even need to say no to taking care of the little boy i keep tomorrow.

jamil reminded me last night, that my body isn't used to being pregnant (it has been 3 years!) and that i am going to have to start to rest and take it easy more often. and that i will easily run myself down if i don't. he is so right, why does he have to be so right!!!! it is so hard for me to rest, i don't know how to rest and relax.

so i will be resting and saying no to a lot more things, to help keep us healthy!! i am feeling much better this evening than i was yesterday at this time. although, i started to feel a little queasy this afternoon, probably from the pregnancy - i remember feeling like this in the afternoons a lot with jordyn.

i am hoping the rest that my wonderful husband has allowed me to do has really helped me to recover. and i am trying not to let the messy house, laundry, and the not been done list stress me out! i am also saying a prayer that no one else in our family gets sick!


our big valentine's surprise...

jesiah is proud to announce he is going to be a big brother!!
yup, that is right.... the massey family is adding another "j" to it's crew!!!

what a wonderful valentine's day surprise for our family! i found out last week that we are pregnant! baby #4 will be making her (his) arrival around the 19th of October 2008!!

we are all excited. we told the kid's on valentine's day. they each got a stuffed puppy and there was a fourth one and we made them guess who it was for. eventually with jamil's help, joshua said "mom's pregnant!!". it was really cute.

i told jamil on the day before. i gave him his valentine's present a day early! i gave him a bible and it had four scriptures marked with little red cut out hearts. all the scriptures had to do with "babies". he didn't realize that i was saying i was pregnant. he thought i was trying to encourage him and hint around that i was ready for another baby. then i gave him a book called "she's having a baby and i'm having a breakdown". (it was a book i gave to him when i was pregnant with our first). then i said "congratulations, baby #4 is on her (his) way". he finally got it! i definitely surprised him (again!!).

i am really excited to be pregnant again. i love love being pregnant. i have always been blessed with healthy and easy pregnancies. i am praying this one will be the same. i have already been feeling a little queasy in the morning and i have been exhausted. but i am trying to enjoy each and every day because this little baby will most likely be our last.

now i will be able to post regularly again, i just couldn't bring myself to post a lot last week, because i had this big secret!! i wanted to hold off on this post until we told our close friends and our family!!



wow, it is really really hard to believe that it is friday. this week was a busy one. it was like whirlwind. God has begun to give us answers and direction to many of the things jamil and i have been praying about. one that i can not wait to share - but it deserves it's very own post! i believe that the unsettled, uncomfortable place i have been in for some time now, is going to change soon. i think God is starting to reveal His plan. it feels good to have some answers and some direction.


the win....

as a parent you eagerly await proud moments in your children's life. as parents of three young children, we have had a lot of "firsts" and a lot of milestones achieved and accomplished - which are very proud moments. but nothing in the past has compared to the proud moment we experienced on sunday. i think the difference is that this proud moment was made because of a choice that joshua made on his own. jamil and i didn't choose this for him, he did this on his own. this is a definite win in our eyes as parents. we can see all of the time we have spent teaching him about God has paid off. we can see how us being apart of a church family, where he gets loved on and discipled each and every week has paid off. elevation and e-kidz were a big part of this win for us.

on sunday, we arrived at providence high school for the baptism. there were a lot of people in the atrium. we had to wait in a line amongst a large crowd and i could begin to see joshua getting nervous. i was so worried he may change his mind and not go through with it. joshua was receiving a lot of attention from a lot of people we know and love at elevation. everyone was so excited for him. i know we were not the only nervous and excited people there. josh doesn't love to be the center of attention if he is nervous or uncomfortable - any other time bring it on - but right then he wasn't feeling it. so i could see him getting worried. after we got him registered and it began, jamil stood in line with him. jamil encouraged him and made him laugh. jamil is so good at knowing where a person is and offering whatever they need to make them feel better. God has given him that gift.

there were 5 groups of people being baptized. each group of people (about 50 in each) were getting baptized by a different pastor on staff at elevation. our lead pastor, pastor steven, was taking the afternoon off and delegating this task to his staff. joshu was in the third group. he was the second person in line. phillip mccart was baptizing his group - i was very glad - joshua knows mr. phillip and i knew it would make him comfortable knowing who was about to dunk him under the cold water!!

group three is lined up ready to go. as the first person is getting baptized, our friend, bradelyn, says to me, "look pastor is taking care of josh isn't that so sweet". i looked and saw joshua still a little scared with pastor steven by his side and his arm around him, he was talking to him and encouraging him. and then i saw pastor begin to take off his jacket and shoes and before i know it he is getting into the pool with josh!! he told everyone he was going to jump in and baptize joshua himself. wow! how amazing!! pastor was not prepared to get into the pool - but he did it anyway.

jamil and i just broke down in tears of joy and appreciation. it meant the world to us to have pastor take our son under his care and baptize himself. after lifting josh up on his shoulder, pastor spoke about why he decided to jump in. f irst, he told everyone that joshua was jamil's son and jamil serves as one of his armor bearers. then, he told the crowd all about the night joshua decided to attend "go deep" and how joshua used a picture of him to help make his decision. next, he baptized him!!!

my words do not even do that moment justice. jamil and i were so emotional, we were crying tears of joy and tears of appreciation for what pastor steven had just done. i barely can put into words each moment or how we felt. i can't wait to relive the moment through video and photos!!

this was a priceless moment in our life. being surrounded by our church family and friends and knowing how much our family is loved. and by that amazing act of compassion shown by pastor steven, we have not one doubt in our mind that elevation is our church home. a place we are so proud to call our church home. elevation is where God has called us to be. elevation has given so much to us as a family. it has offered us a place of hope and restoration and given us achurch family again. elevation has recognized and valued the gifts that God has given us and has made sure that we are serving in our sweet spots. elevation has partnered with us to help us to raise children who know and love God. we are forever grateful to our church family, the church staff and to pastor steven.

we are so very proud of the decision josh made! we are so excited to see what God has planned for him!! we have always known that God is going to use joshua in a might way!! this moment and this decision josh made is a definite win! a win for us as parents and a win for Jesus Christ -- another one sold out Him!

so sunday was a big day!! there were 165 people baptized at elevation. one of joshua's friend's riley, got baptized too. riley is larry and kelly hubatka's daughter. they are good friend's of ours!! joshua really likes riley. first he waited to change his clothes until after her baptism. then, he broke through the crowd to tell her congrats! here is a cute picture of them together!!


the big day....

i promise you the details (and photos!) of our big day (joshua's baptism) are coming!!!
it was one of our proudest and most exciting days for us as parents - yesterday was definitely a "win" !!
i can't wait to tell you about it!!! and i am sorry to keep you waiting.... keep checking back!!

until then, you can check out our friend and family life pastor's blog (oh and phillip - thanks for all the hits coming to me from your blog!!!)


big day ahead...

tomorrow is going to be such a big day!! i am so excited about it. on the other hand, i know that it will leave our family exhausted! and with all of us just getting over colds/flu i am praying none of us will wake up sick on monday morning.

tomorrow we will be at elevation pretty much all day!! and all i can say is YEAH!!! my kid's are soooo excited about the day we have planned. they have asked me if they will get to go to clubhouse (which is where the children of volunteers go during one service, so that they are only in their area of ekidz for one service). they have the most fabulous teacher in clubhouse. they just love her and can't wait to see her tomorrow!!!

so this is the event schedule for the day:

9am: arrive @ elevation/butler campus to ensure our ekidz booth is all set up and ready to invite new volunteers to join our ranks!

9:45: will attend most of the first service while kids are in clubhouse!

** will leave service early to recruit our new volunteers!!!

11:30: will take a deep breath and get ready for the next wave of new volunteers who will be coming out of the 11:15 service!!

12:45ish: will leave butler campus and head over to providence campus - will get lunch on the fly and pick up johanna and hopefully ronna too!!

1:45: need to be at providence to get ready for josh's baptism!!! WOOWOO!!!!

2:30: joshua, ken and 142 other new believers will get baptized!!! YEAHHHHH!!!!

3:30: go to the carr's house for food, fellowship and a little rest and relaxation! the prevette's will join in on the fun!!! the kid's will have fun!!!

5:30: we will all leave the carr's house (hopefully we will have remembered to clean up before we leave!) and head back to providence for the volunteer only event - a live concert!! SO MUCH FUN!!!!

6:30: live concert starts!!!

8:30: head home and get ready for bed!!!!!


not to watch...

i realized that i didn't ever tell you what i had decided to do in my decision about whether or not to watch the season premiere of lost. ok, so i did not watch it. i watched 2 episodes of season one last week. i have been watching one to two episodes a night for about the last month. not every night have i been able to watch one. but when i sit down to watch tv (aka: my laptop) i watch an episode of lost. i am excited to report... i only have 2 episodes of season 1 left to watch. i will finish those this weekend! i may go ahead and watch the season premiere and last night's episode in the next week or so. i may integrate the new shows with the old ones, unless i feel too "lost".

i must say i am thankful that abc puts all their shows online - it is my cheap version of "dvr". we don't have dvr or cable for that matter. so it is really nice to be able to watch any show at any time on abc.com. and honestly my fave shows are all on abc (gray's anatomy, private practice & october road) now if fox would put house and american idol online i would be ecstatic!!

what's going through my mind today...

i have a lot of things that i want to blog about today, but i can't really seem to form complete sentences or any kind of worthwhile post on any one situation. here is a list of my thoughts for today...

1. it has been a long week, taking care of my sick children has not been so fun. it is very exhausting and i have had several nights of interrupted sleep. i haven't been feeling good either. so a sick mommy and sick kids makes for a long week. i am ready for us all to be healthy again. and i am happy to report we are on the path to recovery!!!

2. we have crossed out several commitments on our schedule this week because of everyone being sick. so we haven't been as busy going places and doing things. although, i am getting a little stir-crazy!

3. my husband is wonderful because he has understood that i am stir crazy, he has watched to kiddos for me this week to go to the grocery store by myself (which if he didn't he realized starvation may start to set in), to meet anita at Starbucks for a wonderful coffee night, and to top it off he is going to watch them tonight so that i can go to a "girl's night out" with a group of ladies from elevation! we are going out for a dinner and a movie. i am looking forward to that. i wasn't sure if i would make it, but today i am feeling much better then the past two days.

4. we have a big day coming up on Sunday!! it is elevation's 2 year anniversary!! woohooo! we have a packed day! it is going to be busy but a lot of fun. jamil and i will both be busy with our roles as volunteers at elevation during the worship experiences. then afterwards, joshua is going to be baptized!! we are so excited!! that evening we will attend the concert that is for volunteers of elevation! what a great way to celebrate the day!

....note: i realize these probably came across pretty "surfacey", while i am at a spot where i can not share more transparently, i did my best to share a little bit of what is going on around here. perhaps i can share in a more real way at a later time.


covered but hanging out to dry...

jamil and i are going to have a conversation with someone. it concerns setting boundaries in a situation with people who are friends. the boundaries do not have to do with the friendship. without too many details, it has been something i have been praying about. i have been praying for clarity and for a direction. i really want to be obedient to God's will for me in this conversation. the situation directly effects me and our family.

i have had a group of people praying for me over this conversation too. i feel the situation has been covered in prayer. but i feel like i am still hanging out to dry. i don't know that i have a clear answer to the situation. i don't know that i have clear wisdom or words to express what needs to happen.

because of the timeliness of the situation, i have put God on a timeline. i need an answer and i need it now. i know He hears me, but i think He is waiting to the last minute to provide His answer. i also wonder what happens f the time comes and i don't have the answer but the conversation is ready to happen. what then?

i will continue to seek His will and His guidance. i know the situation is covered in prayer. i don't want to be left hanging out to dry.


too many germs...

over the last three weeks, atleast one member of our family has been sick and it is continuing through this week. joshua has had strep throat, cold and cough, and yesterday he was home with a sore throat. jordyn has had flu like symptoms and a fever, cough and a cold. jesiah started with a runny nose and now has come full circle and yesterday he started with fever and flu-like symptoms. jamil has come down with some cold symptoms - he never lets on if he is really feeling bad - he just grins and bares it! i felt pretty rotten last week, was feeling better and today i woke up with a sore throat. not fair.

we have been through the ringer! and i am exhausted. taking care of sick kids and dispensing medicine left and right has left me frustrated. i am ready to get everyone well - including me - who never seems to get taken care of because i am busy taking care of everyone else.


thinking orange...

if you have wondered where i have been the last two days... here is your answer... i have been with an awesome group of leaders (from family ministry at elevation) attending the orange tour! it has been an amazing last two days. it was full of great information, ideas and inspiration (nehemiah 4:13). God has given me some answers and refueled my passion for family ministry, and specifically children's ministry.

after taking a bit of break from serving and coordinating in family ministry (because of our unexpected transition between our previous church and our new church - elevation!!!) God has clearly shown me where i am to be. i feel like i have found a place and a passion again! praise Him for the first part of his answer to my prayers. i will be giving more details and more thoughts in a later post!

you can check out phillip's blog (elevation's awesome family pastor!) for links and details on the orange tour!!!