a year ago...

a year ago we walked through one of the most painful times in our life. over the last two weeks we thought about the events that happened on each day one year ago. as we reflected on what was happening this time last year it brought up a lot of hurt and pain. and as we have seen the very same pain running through our dear friends this year it makes our experience raw again.
a painful, ungodly cycle that has happened over and over for seven years. one we have watched and personally walked through.

this past sunday a year ago was our last sunday at a place we called home. a place where we poured every ounce of our energy, our time, our loyalty and our love into for nearly seven years. a place where we built relationships, family and connections. a place where we built ministries that were bringing glory to God and you could see Him working.

when God began opening my eyes to situations i had been blinded to, i wanted to close them again. God wouldn't allow me to. He kept showing me things i needed to see. i needed to see because He was about to perform a big change in our life that i couldn't see yet. when things got so bad, so hurtful, so painful, so unlike Him, I knew He was calling us away from what we called home.

leaving was one of the hardest decisions we had to make. even harder was saying good bye to a group of people who didn't deserve this divorce. the day we said goodbye was exactly one year ago, it was very painful and very confusing to all. it was like a divorce where the kids were in the middle and the ones getting hurt. the room filled with tears and looked like those there were at a funeral.

the pain that we endured for having to leave a place we called home was one we will never forget. we will never forget how we were treated after giving so much time and energy to building this home. we will never forget how unappreciated we were, after giving so much love and loyalty to those dwelling in the place we called home. we will never forget how God showed us the true hearts of the people in charge of the place we called home. a place we no longer could give to, or trust in. it was time to go even with the burden we carried. a burden full of frustration, hurt and unforgiveness.

during this time we often asked why. we asked each other - why? we often asked the ones who loved and supported us - why? no one had the answer. no one understood why this continued to happen to loyal followers over and over. daily we cried out to the Lord and asked Him - WHY? only He has the answer. only He understood why this happened.

i leaned on Him knowing He was the only one who provided peace and comfort to my broken heart. my shattered self. losing all we lost when we left was hard. i was pruned to the skeleton. with nothing left. i was afraid to trust again. i was afraid to give again.

this mother's day sunday marks a year since we were free from the the place called home. a year ago this sunday, God showed us to a new place where we now call home. after a year of healing and leaning on Him we recognize the freedom we have from the other place that was just an illusion and built on little truth.

now the place we call home is full of love, trust, loyalty and appreciation. each and every sunday we get to experience something we had never experienced before. we are able to grow and learn and have eagerness to do so. it is inspiring and refreshing to be taught God's word at church! we we are able to serve and be appreciated for the talents God has given to us. we have been a part of a miraculous place where Jesus is touching not only our lives but the lives of so many others.

so today a year later, the pain is still there. but it is a lot intense. today, i am praising God for who He is and how He worked in our lives to bring us to a place of true worship. He brought us to a fabulous church home. He also brought us true worship in our personal lives by blessing us with so many things. all of this is a result of us walking through the pain to get to where He wants us to be.


Ammy said...

Hey Dawn,
Travis and I had to walk out something similar a year before we actually moved here to Charlotte. I just wanted to say thank you for your post and openness. Because of your obedience, I have found a new friend who reached out to me at the park and helped me feel welcome to a new church in a new town so far from what we used to call home. Thank you for all you have done. Out of your pain and suffering God has used you more than you realize.

Anonymous said...

It'll be so nice to be able to say "a year ago..."! Your patient friendship and unique, been-there understanding as we wade through it ourselves has been an unspeakable blessing. I love you, my friend.

Patti's Chat said...

My sweet friend, yes the process was so very painful but I agree with you - seeing the Lord carry us through that only encourages me and strengthens me! Jer 29:11 thank you Lord that YOU know the plans for us and the answer to the WHY - one day we'll know! Love you my dear friend!!!

Jess said...

i am glad that on the other side, you are in my life.

i love you.

i am praying for God to redeem every aspect of the pain for you and jamil--


Jenny said...

I now how hard it is to try and understand why we have to walk through difficult times. God will bless you for your obedience and faithfulness to Him!

Stay strong!

Erica said...

I can relate to the pain you have journeyed through and at times still struggle with. When God closes a chapter in our lives, isn't it amazing the beauty He sends to replace the loss? Thank you for putting words to the vulnerability that so many of us have experienced in similar situations. We are blessed that your journey has led you here.