i want my groove back!!!

i know that title is a bit silly. i am not talking about my dancing ability. i am talking about my life in general. for so long i led this pretty routine, predictable, even paced (though crazy at times) life. and for this type a (a for anal) personality - i need that i rely on that. i love schedules and rarely like spontaneous stuff. i have always told my husband that i do not like surprises, i would rather know what the gift is or the plans are for whatever we are doing.

God has used soooo many events in our life to change up sooooo many things from the littlest thing to the biggest thing imaginable. i don't even know where to begin when making decisions or commitments. i know i have written about this in previous posts, so if i am repeating myself i am sorry, hang in there with me, i hope to make a new point that you or i can learn from!


but i am so not there now, on a predictable easy going life. my life is so different, so unpredictable, i don't know what the future holds whatsoever. it is so crazy i can't make a commitment for anything. i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am in and will continue to be in a better place then before. but i still yearn for the schedule and predictability.

i am going to use this as an equation to describe what is going on right now... i feel like every single piece, lets use game pieces as a visual, have been put into a shaker and are being shaken by someone who is just out to win, the pieces are being shaken up so much and so hard. it is like he is so excited about shaking that he is forgetting to let those pieces out and when they are let out they are winning pieces but they are coming out very slowly, pretty much one at a time. and when they do they are like a little surprise or a little interuption and i told you already i don't like that. and it is like some of the winning pieces are on the table but they don't make sense because the other pieces are still being shaken around. so it isn't quite creating a win b/c the other pieces are missing. i can't get a handle on what my life should look like or even will look like b/c the pieces are not lining up or matching up. i want this game to be over, but i am not the one who is shaking the pieces around to cause a win ~ but i know who that is now ~ it is Him, our precious Lord and Savior. He is the one that is the one shaking it all around, so that He can be glorified through me.

now if i can just sit back and know He will spill out all the pieces when He is ready to complete the game and not when i am ready to be spilled out. He is in control of my life my future and how He wants me to be a living example for Him. i am going to pray to have a feeling of peace and contentment.

so if you call to schedule a play date or a coffee night with me, please know i have know idea what may come up and i may have to cancel on you b/c of the next piece He has spilled out.