growing pains

i am almost 32 and i am having growing pains. in the last few months i have experience a lot of loss and i mean a lot. maybe not as huge of a loss as others. thankfully, i have not lost a child, a spouse or a parent. but in a few short months, there have been a list of things taken away from us: major source of income, employment, church home, church youth group, church friends, two grandmothers, a life group, a minivan (totaled in an accident), my mops group, my son's elementary school and nursing school. (i think i have listed everything, oh and recently my hair stylist decided not to continue in her business - for good reasons though)

looking at the list, i realize that nothing in my life is the same, there is nothing that is constant, everything seems ever changing. all of these things that have been removed from my life have forced me to make some changes. quickly i realized that God was working overtime in my life. He was literally pruning me of a lot of constants in my life. a lot of things i depended on and needed he took away. at first i was angry and bitter (there is a little of that still around from time to time) and felt like a wandering puppy who was lost and looking for a place to belong. well, i haven't quite arrived at that place, but i think i am on my way there.

it really didn't take long for me to realize that the reason that i am experiencing these losses, is because he is trying to get my attention, to take my focus on what was and place it on Him. well, He has my attention. my full attention. i have realized that i was doing a lot of "doing" and "talking" about God and church stuff but not having a relationship with God. I wasn't praying the way i should, i wasn't studying or learning His word

God has begun to replace some of those losses, of course in His time and not in mine. (which is slower than i would like.) during this time of waiting, i have developed some more patience. it has also taught me a lot about life and about God and about who i want to be and who God is calling me to be. that is where the growing pains are taking place. i am learning so many things about myself. some things have been hard and painful. but most have given me the desire to be a woman who relies on and puts her faith in God. and i know that is the whole point of these growing pains. the growth i am seeing and will continue to see is amazing.