hard decision...

jamil and i made a really hard decision this morning. maybe a little harder for me than him. we have decided to find a new home for our black lab puppy. we have struggled with this for some time now. jamil and i are just not "pet people". i think we thought we could be, but it just isn't working for us. we constantly feel bothered by what needs to be done to give her a good home.

i have been pretty emotional today about the decision. i know it is the right one, logically. but emotionally, i get so upset. i have sent out a mass email and posted on craig's list. i spoke with one lady on the phone from my ad on craig's list. and i got pretty choked up. so i called jamil at work to tell him i didn't think i could do this. of course he talked me through it.

jamil reminded me that we just don't have a lot of "free time". and if and when we do, we chose to spend it with our kids or family or friends. so poor little puppy spends a lot of time in her crate or outside on the back porch or on a run. it really is not the best life for her. she could be better cared for in a home with people who love pets. we are just not those people. we have tried to be. but it isn't coming easily for us at all.

when i was talking to jamil, i realized one of the reasons i am having a hard time is that i am looking at this as a failure. if you know me, you know when i do things i do them well, i put a lot into what i do and want things i do to be perfect (or close to). i also do not give up easily. i rarely quit at any kind of commitment i have made. actually, i don't recall quitting anything as an adult. i am struggling because i am not doing this puppy parenting thing well. i am barely keeping my head above water with three young children and having a fourth 3 days a week. then you add a puppy into the mix and i just have nothing left to give. i don't feel like i am doing anything well. i know with my personality i am pretty hard on myself but i just feel torn. and i feel down a lot of times about what i am not doing or how i could do things better.

jamil and i have made a lot of decisions together by using a simple "pros and cons" list. for this decision - there is way more in the pros column to finding jaci another home. i think there may be just 2 things in the cons column and both of those are emotionally based.

one of those cons is how the kids will take this decision. we have told joshua that we will be giving jaci to someone else for christmas - the timing is perfect! and we know with all the excitement of christmas they will be very distracted.

so, if you know of anyone looking for a wonderful 6 month old puppy, please let us know!! we want to find her a good home just in time for christmas!!