those of you who know me, this post will not come as a surprise. i've got it bad. baby fever that is. it has been creeping up on me for a few months and now i am completely infected with it! i just watched two episodes of private practice and the fever is getting higher! for those of you who don't watch the show - there are a lot of babies and pregnant moms on the show. wow! just my kind of show.
yesterday, i had the privilege of taking care of our friend's baby girl - while jamil helped them move. she actually just turned one. she is as precious as can be. i loved having her for the day -- loved it! she was as gold as gold! my kid's loved having a baby around. they asked me when can they have a baby sister or baby brother -- i said ask your daddy!
on friday, i saw my midwife at preschool -her kiddos go there. and we were talking and it made me think of having jesiah which was over two and a half years ago. i began to feel the fever rise.
a lot of people ask us if and when we will add another child to our family. and honestly i don't even think we know the answer to that right now. it is weird because over the last seven almost eight years -- this is the longest span that i haven't been pregnant or caring for a newborn. so i think my mind and body is like in shock from having no pregnancy hormones running through it. maybe some kind of withdrawl?
i have friends who have children, whether it is two or three or six and know without a shadow of a doubt that there family is complete. they feel a sense of closure and know they are done adding to their families. i don't have that. i haven't had that ever in the last eight years. i always feel like someone is missing in our family. even amongst the craziness and noise i feel like it isn't crazy or loud enough and there is room for one more. our van can handle a car seat for one more, our dining room table seats 6 - enough for one more. now our house, may be pushing it to fit in one more - size/space wise but there is enough love to go around and that is what matters most.
i am always thinking i am missing someone when i have my kids with me. i will count to make sure that all are near me and feel like i am looking for number four. i thought i was crazy doing this until my friend, marybeth, said she felt and did the same way before adding her sixth child. her saying that to me really confirmed what i was feeling. she also reminded me of God's perspective on having children. they are a blessing, they are of Him and He will provide and overcome whatever obstacle may be in the way from preventing His will on your family.
so, i chose to believe that God will remove the obstacles that are holding us back from having another child - if that is His will for our family. if He was mighty enough to raise His only Son from the grave, he is mighty enough to take care of our situation.
He will also take care of our insecurities of how we would handle another baby. honestly, there are days when i don't think i could handle another child -- my three are quite enough. i have prayed for a sense of closure if our family is complete and haven't felt it. i still can't shake the baby fever.
this is a part of my "sun stand still" prayer. i am praying that God will allow the sun to stand still for us to get our house in order so that we can have another child one day. until then i am going to start paying some of you to let me hold your babies so it will help subside my baby fever.