on the other side...

i wonder if there will ever be a time when we stop reflecting and thinking about this day, the first sunday in may. it has been two years since we walked through what has been the most painful time of our lives. on this day two years ago, we were part of what we call "the funeral". it wasn't the death of a person. but it was the loss of a very important part of our life at that time.

it was so hard to imagine life without the church that we were leaving behind. a church that we had been a part of for six years. the only church our kids really ever knew at the time. the church that we helped build. a church that we served at, giving our time, money and energy to. we had family at this church. there were relationships and there was community. everything there we thought was good. until the weeks leading up to "the funeral".

"the funeral" took place with the kids from our youth group, their parents and our volunteer team. we listened and said nothing as they were told that it was our family's last sunday. we weren't given a chance to say good bye in our own words. in fact, the letter we wrote to the rest of our church family who weren't there was never delivered or even read to them. i witnessed tears of sadness and grief as the kids learned the news that their youth pastor and his wife were no longer going to play that role in their lives. nor would they see us at church. i saw sweet teenage girls crying and hugging each other tight. i saw big high school football players with tears in their eyes, sobbing. it was like a funeral. really. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to go through. and to think, why?

it is never easy to say good bye. but we had to. God was calling us away from our church. He used people and different situations to make us go. people we thought we could trust, we could no longer. situations that were suppose to work out, we couldn't. it was beyond our control. He was calling us away from what was so unhealthy and what was potentially going to suck the life out of us. He slammed the door shut on that season of our life.

this pain that we went through is part of our story it is part of who we are. we have chosen to forgive and move on. but, i don't think we will ever forget.

today, i didn't want to think about where we were two years ago, or what we were going through, but it is part of who we are. it is what makes us so grateful for where we are and who we are today. it is hard not to reflect. and reading this, what a wrote a year ago, i realize how far we have come since last year. i have already forgotten some of the painful details and let go of so much bitterness. and i have seen God work in mighty ways in our life.

we have come so far. God called us to an amazing church, where we feel alive and we feel God's presence. we know He is working and we get to be a part of what He is doing. we are so grateful for what we went through, the pain we endured, because it brought us to where we are now. God turned something awful and painful into something so good. our lives have been forever changed by the way He shut the door to that season of our life. He is so faithful, He showed us He has something so much better for us on the other side of that door.