i have a lot of things that i want to blog about today, but i can't really seem to form complete sentences or any kind of worthwhile post on any one situation. here is a list of my thoughts for today...
1. it has been a long week, taking care of my sick children has not been so fun. it is very exhausting and i have had several nights of interrupted sleep. i haven't been feeling good either. so a sick mommy and sick kids makes for a long week. i am ready for us all to be healthy again. and i am happy to report we are on the path to recovery!!!
2. we have crossed out several commitments on our schedule this week because of everyone being sick. so we haven't been as busy going places and doing things. although, i am getting a little stir-crazy!
3. my husband is wonderful because he has understood that i am stir crazy, he has watched to kiddos for me this week to go to the grocery store by myself (which if he didn't he realized starvation may start to set in), to meet anita at Starbucks for a wonderful coffee night, and to top it off he is going to watch them tonight so that i can go to a "girl's night out" with a group of ladies from elevation! we are going out for a dinner and a movie. i am looking forward to that. i wasn't sure if i would make it, but today i am feeling much better then the past two days.
4. we have a big day coming up on Sunday!! it is elevation's 2 year anniversary!! woohooo! we have a packed day! it is going to be busy but a lot of fun. jamil and i will both be busy with our roles as volunteers at elevation during the worship experiences. then afterwards, joshua is going to be baptized!! we are so excited!! that evening we will attend the concert that is for volunteers of elevation! what a great way to celebrate the day!
....note: i realize these probably came across pretty "surfacey", while i am at a spot where i can not share more transparently, i did my best to share a little bit of what is going on around here. perhaps i can share in a more real way at a later time.
2.08.2008
2.06.2008
covered but hanging out to dry...
jamil and i are going to have a conversation with someone. it concerns setting boundaries in a situation with people who are friends. the boundaries do not have to do with the friendship. without too many details, it has been something i have been praying about. i have been praying for clarity and for a direction. i really want to be obedient to God's will for me in this conversation. the situation directly effects me and our family.
i have had a group of people praying for me over this conversation too. i feel the situation has been covered in prayer. but i feel like i am still hanging out to dry. i don't know that i have a clear answer to the situation. i don't know that i have clear wisdom or words to express what needs to happen.
because of the timeliness of the situation, i have put God on a timeline. i need an answer and i need it now. i know He hears me, but i think He is waiting to the last minute to provide His answer. i also wonder what happens f the time comes and i don't have the answer but the conversation is ready to happen. what then?
i will continue to seek His will and His guidance. i know the situation is covered in prayer. i don't want to be left hanging out to dry.
i have had a group of people praying for me over this conversation too. i feel the situation has been covered in prayer. but i feel like i am still hanging out to dry. i don't know that i have a clear answer to the situation. i don't know that i have clear wisdom or words to express what needs to happen.
because of the timeliness of the situation, i have put God on a timeline. i need an answer and i need it now. i know He hears me, but i think He is waiting to the last minute to provide His answer. i also wonder what happens f the time comes and i don't have the answer but the conversation is ready to happen. what then?
i will continue to seek His will and His guidance. i know the situation is covered in prayer. i don't want to be left hanging out to dry.
2.05.2008
too many germs...
over the last three weeks, atleast one member of our family has been sick and it is continuing through this week. joshua has had strep throat, cold and cough, and yesterday he was home with a sore throat. jordyn has had flu like symptoms and a fever, cough and a cold. jesiah started with a runny nose and now has come full circle and yesterday he started with fever and flu-like symptoms. jamil has come down with some cold symptoms - he never lets on if he is really feeling bad - he just grins and bares it! i felt pretty rotten last week, was feeling better and today i woke up with a sore throat. not fair.
we have been through the ringer! and i am exhausted. taking care of sick kids and dispensing medicine left and right has left me frustrated. i am ready to get everyone well - including me - who never seems to get taken care of because i am busy taking care of everyone else.
we have been through the ringer! and i am exhausted. taking care of sick kids and dispensing medicine left and right has left me frustrated. i am ready to get everyone well - including me - who never seems to get taken care of because i am busy taking care of everyone else.
2.02.2008
thinking orange...
if you have wondered where i have been the last two days... here is your answer... i have been with an awesome group of leaders (from family ministry at elevation) attending the orange tour! it has been an amazing last two days. it was full of great information, ideas and inspiration (nehemiah 4:13). God has given me some answers and refueled my passion for family ministry, and specifically children's ministry.
after taking a bit of break from serving and coordinating in family ministry (because of our unexpected transition between our previous church and our new church - elevation!!!) God has clearly shown me where i am to be. i feel like i have found a place and a passion again! praise Him for the first part of his answer to my prayers. i will be giving more details and more thoughts in a later post!
you can check out phillip's blog (elevation's awesome family pastor!) for links and details on the orange tour!!!
after taking a bit of break from serving and coordinating in family ministry (because of our unexpected transition between our previous church and our new church - elevation!!!) God has clearly shown me where i am to be. i feel like i have found a place and a passion again! praise Him for the first part of his answer to my prayers. i will be giving more details and more thoughts in a later post!
you can check out phillip's blog (elevation's awesome family pastor!) for links and details on the orange tour!!!
1.31.2008
to watch or not to watch....
so one of my decisions today is whether or not to watch the season premiere of lost. a few weeks ago, i decided to watch all three seasons of lost. my goal was to watch them all before the season premiere. well, that has far from happening. i am about 3/4 of the way through season 1. i don't know why i thought i would be able to watch all three seasons in less than a month. it isn't like i sit around all day watching tv and chilling out. i have been doing good to watch one episode a night and usually that is between 10 and 11 at night.
this goal started out with my husband along side of me. but he hasn't been able to keep up his end of the deal (which means by the time we start watching, he is tired and falls asleep). so i have been making my way through the past episodes all by myself. fearing that abc.com will take off the past 3 seasons. let's pray they don't!
anyway, i am hooked! and i am trying to decide if i should watch the premiere tonight or wait until i finish all three seasons. will i be "lost" if i watch it tonight? will i have missed to much?
if you are a lost fan and reading this.... please give me your input?? to watch or not to watch??
this goal started out with my husband along side of me. but he hasn't been able to keep up his end of the deal (which means by the time we start watching, he is tired and falls asleep). so i have been making my way through the past episodes all by myself. fearing that abc.com will take off the past 3 seasons. let's pray they don't!
anyway, i am hooked! and i am trying to decide if i should watch the premiere tonight or wait until i finish all three seasons. will i be "lost" if i watch it tonight? will i have missed to much?
if you are a lost fan and reading this.... please give me your input?? to watch or not to watch??
his own decision...
on tuesday afternoon, i asked joshua if he was ready to go to our meeting that evening. he remembered that he and i were going to "go deep". (go deep, as i mentioned in a previous post, was a meeting for kids at elevation to explore baptism.) he also remembered that it was basketball practice night. he told me he wanted to go to basketball practice and he would attend "go deep" another time. i explained to him that if he wanted to be baptized this was his chance to learn more and he had to go to this class before getting baptized.
during our conversation, he thought of different ways he could attend both and he changed his mind several times. i really wanted this decision to be his. i also felt if he made the "right" choice that it would say a lot about his decision to be baptized. we went back and forth and talked through it. it was a tough decision. he loves basketball. and jamil is his coach so they get to spend this time together.
then, i told joshua a story from my own personal life of how i had to make a hard decision last week when two important events fell on one night. momtourage (my women's book study) and movement (leadership development meeting) were both scheduled for monday night. i told him how mommy had to choose the meeting over the book study. i didn't tell him we actually cancelled momtourage because over half of us were at movement. this story really registered with him.
i told joshua i would let him think about it. i left the kitchen.
when i returned, joshua had two photo cards in front of him. both of them were from pastor and holly, pictures of their family. immediately, fearing they would get ripped or smudged or stained, i told him to put them back on the refrigerator. he said "no, mom, looking at these pictures are helping me to make my decision about the meeting tonight. i am looking at pastor steven." so i asked, "what do you think pastor steven would want you to choose, basketball or go deep?" he said, "go deep".
then i asked out of curiousity, "what do you think your daddy would want you to choose?" he said, "basketball". which this response is totally of a seven year old who loves his daddy and knows daddy loves basketball.
joshua continues to amaze me. i was shocked that he thought to look at a picture of our pastor to help make his decision. he knew what pastor would do. he knew the right decision was to choose go deep. it was a hard decision, but in the end he did choose "go deep".
thinking of how he used a picture of pastor, the leader of our church, spoke volumes to me about who Pastor is. joshua has only met and been around pastor a very few times. and when he is, joshua says little, he really just looks at him and stares. he has developed a respect for Pastor. even a seven year old little boy can identify the high calling God has on Pastor Steven's life.
moments like this really affirm to me that jamil and i aren't doing such a bad job raising this little boy to be a Godly man.
joshua will be baptized at elevation on feb. 10 at 2:30!! it is going to be an awesome day for the life of our church and also for our family.
during our conversation, he thought of different ways he could attend both and he changed his mind several times. i really wanted this decision to be his. i also felt if he made the "right" choice that it would say a lot about his decision to be baptized. we went back and forth and talked through it. it was a tough decision. he loves basketball. and jamil is his coach so they get to spend this time together.
then, i told joshua a story from my own personal life of how i had to make a hard decision last week when two important events fell on one night. momtourage (my women's book study) and movement (leadership development meeting) were both scheduled for monday night. i told him how mommy had to choose the meeting over the book study. i didn't tell him we actually cancelled momtourage because over half of us were at movement. this story really registered with him.
i told joshua i would let him think about it. i left the kitchen.
when i returned, joshua had two photo cards in front of him. both of them were from pastor and holly, pictures of their family. immediately, fearing they would get ripped or smudged or stained, i told him to put them back on the refrigerator. he said "no, mom, looking at these pictures are helping me to make my decision about the meeting tonight. i am looking at pastor steven." so i asked, "what do you think pastor steven would want you to choose, basketball or go deep?" he said, "go deep".
then i asked out of curiousity, "what do you think your daddy would want you to choose?" he said, "basketball". which this response is totally of a seven year old who loves his daddy and knows daddy loves basketball.
joshua continues to amaze me. i was shocked that he thought to look at a picture of our pastor to help make his decision. he knew what pastor would do. he knew the right decision was to choose go deep. it was a hard decision, but in the end he did choose "go deep".
thinking of how he used a picture of pastor, the leader of our church, spoke volumes to me about who Pastor is. joshua has only met and been around pastor a very few times. and when he is, joshua says little, he really just looks at him and stares. he has developed a respect for Pastor. even a seven year old little boy can identify the high calling God has on Pastor Steven's life.
moments like this really affirm to me that jamil and i aren't doing such a bad job raising this little boy to be a Godly man.
joshua will be baptized at elevation on feb. 10 at 2:30!! it is going to be an awesome day for the life of our church and also for our family.
1.29.2008
what i have been doing...
this past weekend i attended the revolve tour with a group of wonderful high school girls! we had a great time friday night and all day saturday. on friday afternoon, my friend stephanie came into charlotte from georgia with one of her girls from her youth group so they can attend the tour. and on saturday, my friend anita joined in on the fun! i must say we had a great time. but i felt a little out of my element during the hawk nelson concert - although a group of us went "backstage" to meet them and i do have an autographed copy of the program.
on sunday, the kids and i spent the morning at elevation for all three services at providence. i was there to work with the e-kidz volunteer coordinator! she is training me to do what she does at our butler campus. i am soooo excited. i am going to be working directly with her as well as the children's director at butler. i love both of those gals!! and i am honored to serve elevation in this capacity!!
monday was spent getting back into the swing of things. and then we had a leadership development meeting - now to be called "movement" for elevation! what an awesome experience. to hear pastor share from his heart and to be surrounded by a room (crowded one at that) full of unified leaders is a great way to start off the week!
today, my friend chelsea came over. our girls had a great time playing together. her daughter, anagrace is jordyn's first best friend. they were busy playing while we were able to get into a few good conversations! as well as a little pampering session!! it is always a good day when we can have friends come over and a chance to be real!!!
just like last week... on thursday, i was having a pretty bad morning. i had plans to get together with anita and was thinking about canceling. as i sat on the phone and doing a few things on the laptop, i looked at my extremely messy house and my undressed messy haired kiddos, she pulled into my driveway. talk about being real. she got to see me and all my realness that day! but having her and her girls come over that day was a blessing! i am so glad she didn't call before coming b/c if she had, i would have canceled on her.
tonight, was a great night (with a story that i must save for a future blog post), joshua and i attended a meeting for kids who are interested in being baptized!! elevation has a baptism coming up in a few weeks. this meeting went over the basics of baptism for kids. of course, it was done elevation style -- nothing less than excellent! they had a skit with hilarious actors who walked us through accepting christ, being baptized and sharing christ with friends! joshua has decided to be baptized! yeah! he made the decision to miss basketball practice to go to this meeting tonight! i was very proud of him!
on sunday, the kids and i spent the morning at elevation for all three services at providence. i was there to work with the e-kidz volunteer coordinator! she is training me to do what she does at our butler campus. i am soooo excited. i am going to be working directly with her as well as the children's director at butler. i love both of those gals!! and i am honored to serve elevation in this capacity!!
monday was spent getting back into the swing of things. and then we had a leadership development meeting - now to be called "movement" for elevation! what an awesome experience. to hear pastor share from his heart and to be surrounded by a room (crowded one at that) full of unified leaders is a great way to start off the week!
today, my friend chelsea came over. our girls had a great time playing together. her daughter, anagrace is jordyn's first best friend. they were busy playing while we were able to get into a few good conversations! as well as a little pampering session!! it is always a good day when we can have friends come over and a chance to be real!!!
just like last week... on thursday, i was having a pretty bad morning. i had plans to get together with anita and was thinking about canceling. as i sat on the phone and doing a few things on the laptop, i looked at my extremely messy house and my undressed messy haired kiddos, she pulled into my driveway. talk about being real. she got to see me and all my realness that day! but having her and her girls come over that day was a blessing! i am so glad she didn't call before coming b/c if she had, i would have canceled on her.
tonight, was a great night (with a story that i must save for a future blog post), joshua and i attended a meeting for kids who are interested in being baptized!! elevation has a baptism coming up in a few weeks. this meeting went over the basics of baptism for kids. of course, it was done elevation style -- nothing less than excellent! they had a skit with hilarious actors who walked us through accepting christ, being baptized and sharing christ with friends! joshua has decided to be baptized! yeah! he made the decision to miss basketball practice to go to this meeting tonight! i was very proud of him!
1.25.2008
slow down...
as i was driving way too fast yesterday, racing to pick up my son from school, a huge tractor trailer pulled out right in front of me. i was on my phone making plans with another small group leader. i decide to use the left turn lane to go around him (i guess that is called illegal passing). as i am flying down the center lane, i spot a police officer in the other lane. great - so i figure since i am in the left lane, i should pretend to turn left. i had to drive a few hundred feet to reach my destination. as i begin turning into the random parking lot, the police officer follows me with his lights on.
panicked by the thought of being late picking up josh and getting a ticket we can no way afford - i began to get upset. when the officer came to my side, i explained (sobbing and slurring) i was running late and needed to get my son. i also mumbled a bunch of stuff i don't remember exactly what. doing anything i can to plead my case to get out of this situation i put myself in. he explained he still needed my license.
as he is running my plates, i called a friend to grab joshua from car pool for me. he came back to tell me that he was letting me go. he told me, ma'am you need to slow down, because it really didn't pay off to get pulled over, it only took more time out of my day (his too, i am sure he was thinking).
those were two words i needed to hear yesterday. it has been a wild and crazy busy week. the police officer's two words telling me to slow down, i think were a gift from God - words that God would have told me earlier in the week, if i had only stopped to SLOW DOWN long enough to hear Him.
i got the message loud and clear and gratefully without a huge penalty to pay (i am so sorry my friend erin was not so lucky to get out of hers last week)
panicked by the thought of being late picking up josh and getting a ticket we can no way afford - i began to get upset. when the officer came to my side, i explained (sobbing and slurring) i was running late and needed to get my son. i also mumbled a bunch of stuff i don't remember exactly what. doing anything i can to plead my case to get out of this situation i put myself in. he explained he still needed my license.
as he is running my plates, i called a friend to grab joshua from car pool for me. he came back to tell me that he was letting me go. he told me, ma'am you need to slow down, because it really didn't pay off to get pulled over, it only took more time out of my day (his too, i am sure he was thinking).
those were two words i needed to hear yesterday. it has been a wild and crazy busy week. the police officer's two words telling me to slow down, i think were a gift from God - words that God would have told me earlier in the week, if i had only stopped to SLOW DOWN long enough to hear Him.
i got the message loud and clear and gratefully without a huge penalty to pay (i am so sorry my friend erin was not so lucky to get out of hers last week)
1.23.2008
have to/want to
here is a list of what i have to do today...
~ unpack from our trip
~ clean the house (not just straighten up - deep clean!!) - we are having a houseful of friends this weekend for the Revolve tour!!
~ laundry
~ make a list and go to the grocery store
~ more laundry
~ pick up josh from school
~ did i say laundry?
here is what i want to do today....
~ read blogs
~ catch up on emails
~ talk to the phone
~ work on stuff for ekidz (which in a future post, i will explain the new role i am taking on!!!!)
~ finish a book with only a few chapters left
~ watch the next 5 episodes of "Lost:Season 1"
~ download songs and podcasts to my ipod
~ listen to the sermon from Sunday
can i do it all??? sure i am super mom with super multi tasking powers!
yeah right!
~ unpack from our trip
~ clean the house (not just straighten up - deep clean!!) - we are having a houseful of friends this weekend for the Revolve tour!!
~ laundry
~ make a list and go to the grocery store
~ more laundry
~ pick up josh from school
~ did i say laundry?
here is what i want to do today....
~ read blogs
~ catch up on emails
~ talk to the phone
~ work on stuff for ekidz (which in a future post, i will explain the new role i am taking on!!!!)
~ finish a book with only a few chapters left
~ watch the next 5 episodes of "Lost:Season 1"
~ download songs and podcasts to my ipod
~ listen to the sermon from Sunday
can i do it all??? sure i am super mom with super multi tasking powers!
yeah right!
life verses...
if you look over to the right on my blog you will notice that i added 2 life verses. a few weeks ago, my friend, marybeth, challenged her readers to find a life verse for this new year. i thought, searched and prayed for one that i could really use this year. one that could sustain me, encourage me, comfort me and one that i could really her God speaking through me. well now i have mine!! two actually.
life verse #2 is one that i have always held tight to. it speaks to me when i am fearful or full of worry. it also prevents me from getting anxious when a new situation in my life arises. i have to keep that one around. jamil actually reminded me that it was a life verse of mine. so i am keeping that one around!!
now the story of how i acquired life verse #1. two weeks ago in our small group, i was blessed with this verse! we were each given cards to write our names on and then we were to write something encouraging on the card about each other. i recalled doing something very similar when i was in high school and then also several years ago in a women's bible study. i have held onto the words that were written to me. i love to go back and read them. it is very encouraging to read those especially when you are feeling beaten down.
when i received my card back it was full of encouraging and loving words! also, written on my card was a reference to matthew 6:33, written by our small group leader. after reading what he wrote and thinking about that scripture reference i realized that was the life verse i had been praying for! it is wonderful to think about how God works and how he used john to deliver the answer to my prayer.
so here is my shout out to our awesome leaders, john and heather - thank you for all you do, for being obedient to God, for blessing our lives and for being who God made you - you are the greatest leaders and we love being a part of your group - the best group ever!!
life verse #2 is one that i have always held tight to. it speaks to me when i am fearful or full of worry. it also prevents me from getting anxious when a new situation in my life arises. i have to keep that one around. jamil actually reminded me that it was a life verse of mine. so i am keeping that one around!!
now the story of how i acquired life verse #1. two weeks ago in our small group, i was blessed with this verse! we were each given cards to write our names on and then we were to write something encouraging on the card about each other. i recalled doing something very similar when i was in high school and then also several years ago in a women's bible study. i have held onto the words that were written to me. i love to go back and read them. it is very encouraging to read those especially when you are feeling beaten down.
when i received my card back it was full of encouraging and loving words! also, written on my card was a reference to matthew 6:33, written by our small group leader. after reading what he wrote and thinking about that scripture reference i realized that was the life verse i had been praying for! it is wonderful to think about how God works and how he used john to deliver the answer to my prayer.
so here is my shout out to our awesome leaders, john and heather - thank you for all you do, for being obedient to God, for blessing our lives and for being who God made you - you are the greatest leaders and we love being a part of your group - the best group ever!!
1.22.2008
weekend getaway...
we spent this past weekend visiting our friends, the wilkerson's who live in georgia. they moved to villa rica, georgia in november. and with a long weekend we were able to travel to see them. we left friday evening and came home late yesterday. it was a great weekend away. the kids had a great time - all six of them. the wilkerson's have three boys who are the same ages as our three.
after staying up way too late on friday night, saturday we spent relaxing and watching the snow fall! the kids loved playing with each other, especially when we went out for a snowball fight. we watched a movie (rush hour 3 - funny!!) after the kids were in bed. on sunday stephanie took me for a tour of the town, we went out to lunch and then up (or down?) to douglasville to go shopping. it was a fun day! (btw - they are having a killer sale at children's place!! if you need kid's clothes go check out their monster sale!!). we relaxed and ate a late dinner that night. after a few tears, we headed back home yesterday. josh didn't want to leave his best buddy, elijah. we hit some stand still traffic on 85 which put us behind about an hour and a half. not too fun. but we got home safe and sound, here are a few pics:
after staying up way too late on friday night, saturday we spent relaxing and watching the snow fall! the kids loved playing with each other, especially when we went out for a snowball fight. we watched a movie (rush hour 3 - funny!!) after the kids were in bed. on sunday stephanie took me for a tour of the town, we went out to lunch and then up (or down?) to douglasville to go shopping. it was a fun day! (btw - they are having a killer sale at children's place!! if you need kid's clothes go check out their monster sale!!). we relaxed and ate a late dinner that night. after a few tears, we headed back home yesterday. josh didn't want to leave his best buddy, elijah. we hit some stand still traffic on 85 which put us behind about an hour and a half. not too fun. but we got home safe and sound, here are a few pics:
1.17.2008
mood swings...
up early because of phone call ~ grumpy mom.
check weather - snow everywhere ~ happy mom
school's closed today ~ happy mom!
no school ~ no driving to school ~ happy mom!
josh home = extra kid ~ happy mom!
hubby has to go to work ~ sad mom
find 101 temp and sore throat on joshua ~ sad mom!
adding "day care" kid (four total now) ~ stressed mom
doing some volunteer work for elevation ~ happy mom!
long phone conversation (2 hours 24 min.) with best friend ~ happy happy mom!
youngest locks bathroom door - struggle to unlock it ~ frustrated mom.
call waiting comes in from long distant best friend ~ happy mom!
making plans to go see long distant best friend ~ really happy mom!
lost internet connection ~ frustrated mom.
realized it wasn't lost b/c of failure to pay bill ~ relieved mom!
lost volunteer work - excel doc. ~ grumpy mom.
bf's husband tried to help find the doc. - over the phone - couldn't ~ appreciative mom
messy messy house ~ grumpy mom!
hungry kids + hungry mom = grumpier mom.
make soup and sandwiches, mom wants to eat something other than that ~ discontent mom
ask kid's to clean up messy rooms - doesn't get done the way i want ~ stressed mom
tell them to forget cleaning up it is time for naps ~ relieved mom
put all four kids down for naps in a 3 bedroom house ~ challenged mom
take oldest's temp. still 101 ~ worried mom
one kid sleeping in our walk in closet ~ guilty mom
everyone quiet ~ happy mom
have time for myself: to finish volunteer work, check email, read & write blogs ~ happy mom!!!!
make time for a quiet time with the lord ~ content and joyful mom!!!
check weather - snow everywhere ~ happy mom
school's closed today ~ happy mom!
no school ~ no driving to school ~ happy mom!
josh home = extra kid ~ happy mom!
hubby has to go to work ~ sad mom
find 101 temp and sore throat on joshua ~ sad mom!
adding "day care" kid (four total now) ~ stressed mom
doing some volunteer work for elevation ~ happy mom!
long phone conversation (2 hours 24 min.) with best friend ~ happy happy mom!
youngest locks bathroom door - struggle to unlock it ~ frustrated mom.
call waiting comes in from long distant best friend ~ happy mom!
making plans to go see long distant best friend ~ really happy mom!
lost internet connection ~ frustrated mom.
realized it wasn't lost b/c of failure to pay bill ~ relieved mom!
lost volunteer work - excel doc. ~ grumpy mom.
bf's husband tried to help find the doc. - over the phone - couldn't ~ appreciative mom
messy messy house ~ grumpy mom!
hungry kids + hungry mom = grumpier mom.
make soup and sandwiches, mom wants to eat something other than that ~ discontent mom
ask kid's to clean up messy rooms - doesn't get done the way i want ~ stressed mom
tell them to forget cleaning up it is time for naps ~ relieved mom
put all four kids down for naps in a 3 bedroom house ~ challenged mom
take oldest's temp. still 101 ~ worried mom
one kid sleeping in our walk in closet ~ guilty mom
everyone quiet ~ happy mom
have time for myself: to finish volunteer work, check email, read & write blogs ~ happy mom!!!!
make time for a quiet time with the lord ~ content and joyful mom!!!
1.15.2008
accomplishments...
as a wife and a mom, i don't feel like i accomplish much of anything in a day. i pretty much see a lot of my days as "failures". i have this list of stuff to do everyday and it never gets done. and that makes me feel like i am failing. i am not accomplishing anything. many of the things on my list have been there for weeks and weeks. and it isn't like i am not doing anything, it is just that everything i do gets undone. i mean everything. a task is never completed in my life as it is now. i have a very driven personality and thrive on getting things done. when i feel i have accomplished something, i feel productive and like i have a purpose.
i have been out of the "workforce" pretty much since joshua was born, which was over seven years ago. that i do not regret. jamil and i made the choice best for our family, which was for me to be at home with our children. i question that choice only when it comes to the financial decisions and positions we have been in and are it. but that is the only time i have questioned it. we have learned a lot and we have sacrificed A LOT. when i think about that i feel like we haven't accomplished much of anything financially. our position stays the same. frustrating to say the least.
being a stay at home mom for some reason hasn't seem to fulfill my need for accomplishment. maybe because what i do every day gets undone by three sets of little hands. laundry is never completed, we are always digging through the basket for clean socks and underwear, hey, at least they are clean. there is a never ending trail of toys around our house and when they get picked up they are never put away where i'd like them to go. as soon as i vacuum or mop something is spilled and i have to do it all over again. the dishwasher is always full with no room for more and just as i have it cleaned up, i cook another meal and there is another mess. there are always bills to be paid or arrangements to be made, and as soon as they are taken care of another one comes in. my basket of paperwork is always full, as soon as it is clear, the mail comes in or the folder from school is unloaded. the calendar is always packed with parties, practices, lessons, meetings etc. and just as soon as the gas tank is full, it disappears again. my point in saying that is again, everything i touch gets undone. it doesn't stay completed. and i find myself frustrated every single day.
up until the summer of last year, in addition to my life as a mom, i always have had something on my plate to organize, plan, conquer, strategize and be challenged by. when we left our previous church in may of last year, we stepped down from a staff position (which was jamil's but i was his untitled and unpaid "assistant" pastor) as well as volunteer positions (notice the plural there b/c i mean more than one for real). for several years, i coordinated a mops (mothers of preschoolers) group. it was a challenge and it really was a part time job. it kept me quite busy. and that combined with assisting jamil, plus all the other stuff i volunteered for, i was over the top busy. i felt a sense of accomplishment over those several years.
over the last several months, i haven't had these types of responsibilities on my plate. i think God removed them from me for a reason. i think that he wanted me in a less busy state so that i can focus more on Him. and honestly, i have been able to do that. i have been careful in what i say yes to. i also say no a lot more. i have been intentional about the balance in my life. but yet i am stil not feeling a sense of "getting the job done"
so i sit here thinking i need something more to do. i think that but have the fear of becoming too busy. or maybe it is the fear of disobedience. didn't God already take those areas that caused too much disruption to our family, didn't he take them away from me for a reason? but for some reason i feel the need to add something else, something that perhaps i can do and it will stay done.
so it has come to this place for me. what i think i need is a sense of accomplishment in the things that i already do. the things God has put in my path. i don't need more. i just need to pray and ask him for an attitude of contentment for what is on my plate. i just need to pray that God will show me how what i am doing right now is accomplishing something. and that adding something more isn't the solution.
i need to learn how to thrive in the areas that he has given to me already. i need to spend some time looking at how i can be more intentional in those areas i am already committed to. i need to think and pray over how i can be more intentional in the relationships he has placed in my life, my husband, my children and my friends. i can also look at the commitments i have made outside of my friends and family and how can i use my gifts to be more intentional in those areas. adding something won't fill this void. only He can fill this void. only He can show me how to feel accomplished in what He has already given to me.
i have been out of the "workforce" pretty much since joshua was born, which was over seven years ago. that i do not regret. jamil and i made the choice best for our family, which was for me to be at home with our children. i question that choice only when it comes to the financial decisions and positions we have been in and are it. but that is the only time i have questioned it. we have learned a lot and we have sacrificed A LOT. when i think about that i feel like we haven't accomplished much of anything financially. our position stays the same. frustrating to say the least.
being a stay at home mom for some reason hasn't seem to fulfill my need for accomplishment. maybe because what i do every day gets undone by three sets of little hands. laundry is never completed, we are always digging through the basket for clean socks and underwear, hey, at least they are clean. there is a never ending trail of toys around our house and when they get picked up they are never put away where i'd like them to go. as soon as i vacuum or mop something is spilled and i have to do it all over again. the dishwasher is always full with no room for more and just as i have it cleaned up, i cook another meal and there is another mess. there are always bills to be paid or arrangements to be made, and as soon as they are taken care of another one comes in. my basket of paperwork is always full, as soon as it is clear, the mail comes in or the folder from school is unloaded. the calendar is always packed with parties, practices, lessons, meetings etc. and just as soon as the gas tank is full, it disappears again. my point in saying that is again, everything i touch gets undone. it doesn't stay completed. and i find myself frustrated every single day.
up until the summer of last year, in addition to my life as a mom, i always have had something on my plate to organize, plan, conquer, strategize and be challenged by. when we left our previous church in may of last year, we stepped down from a staff position (which was jamil's but i was his untitled and unpaid "assistant" pastor) as well as volunteer positions (notice the plural there b/c i mean more than one for real). for several years, i coordinated a mops (mothers of preschoolers) group. it was a challenge and it really was a part time job. it kept me quite busy. and that combined with assisting jamil, plus all the other stuff i volunteered for, i was over the top busy. i felt a sense of accomplishment over those several years.
over the last several months, i haven't had these types of responsibilities on my plate. i think God removed them from me for a reason. i think that he wanted me in a less busy state so that i can focus more on Him. and honestly, i have been able to do that. i have been careful in what i say yes to. i also say no a lot more. i have been intentional about the balance in my life. but yet i am stil not feeling a sense of "getting the job done"
so i sit here thinking i need something more to do. i think that but have the fear of becoming too busy. or maybe it is the fear of disobedience. didn't God already take those areas that caused too much disruption to our family, didn't he take them away from me for a reason? but for some reason i feel the need to add something else, something that perhaps i can do and it will stay done.
so it has come to this place for me. what i think i need is a sense of accomplishment in the things that i already do. the things God has put in my path. i don't need more. i just need to pray and ask him for an attitude of contentment for what is on my plate. i just need to pray that God will show me how what i am doing right now is accomplishing something. and that adding something more isn't the solution.
i need to learn how to thrive in the areas that he has given to me already. i need to spend some time looking at how i can be more intentional in those areas i am already committed to. i need to think and pray over how i can be more intentional in the relationships he has placed in my life, my husband, my children and my friends. i can also look at the commitments i have made outside of my friends and family and how can i use my gifts to be more intentional in those areas. adding something won't fill this void. only He can fill this void. only He can show me how to feel accomplished in what He has already given to me.
1.14.2008
he's got it!!!
last night, while we were eating dinner, joshua asked us if he could be baptized. i asked him what made him want to be baptized. i don't even recall his reply exactly, but our discussion went on to talk about what baptism is. he told us he wanted to go into the water and come out a new person. he wanted to do this so God would help him to make the right choices. jamil and i told him when he gets baptized that it is his way of telling our church family and others that he has accepted Christ into his heart and he will commit to following Him. he said he understood that and that he has God in his heart. he even prayed the prayer to God.
there have been other times he has asked to be baptized, usually when he has seen a friend do it. but jamil and i haven't felt it came from his heart, he just wanted to do it because he watched someone else. we also hadn't felt he had the right understanding of what it means to accept Christ and therefore be baptized. but this time it sincerely appears to be different.
i have seen a tremendous amount of spiritual growth in joshua over the last several months. he isn't a perfect child, he still disobeys, drives his sister crazy, talks back and can outsmart his mom. but even as adult christians, are we perfect? do we have it all together? do we make the best decisions? most certainly not. having a relationship with Christ is an ongoing ever changing process. we grow, we learn , we make mistakes, we learn again and grow some more.
i really think for where he is as a seven year old, he understands enough to make the decision to love and honor God. so, i say i think he's got it!! it's time to celebrate! another one for Christ!!
jamil and i certainly talk with him, answer questions and read bible stories to him consistently. but what he receives while being in e-kidz (elevation's awesome children's ministry) has certainly been significant in this process.
on our first day at elevation (May 13, 2007- exactly 8 months ago yesterday), joshua left saying "this is the best church i have ever been to". you have to understand elevation is only the second church josh has known. he has always felt loved, welcomed and comfortable being in e-kidz. even when we moved over to the butler campus, the transition was smooth. i am so thankful for every small group leader, teacher, greeter, actor and worship leader that joshua has been in contact with. all of these amazing volunteers have been our "partners" in achieving this goal for joshua to know and love God. words really can not express my gratitude.
it is so exciting to be a part of a church who understands and values the importance of a thriving children's ministry. a church that understands that reaching people is what it is about. a church who has a clear vision statement and never strays from that...
...so that people far from God would be filled with life in Christ!
there have been other times he has asked to be baptized, usually when he has seen a friend do it. but jamil and i haven't felt it came from his heart, he just wanted to do it because he watched someone else. we also hadn't felt he had the right understanding of what it means to accept Christ and therefore be baptized. but this time it sincerely appears to be different.
i have seen a tremendous amount of spiritual growth in joshua over the last several months. he isn't a perfect child, he still disobeys, drives his sister crazy, talks back and can outsmart his mom. but even as adult christians, are we perfect? do we have it all together? do we make the best decisions? most certainly not. having a relationship with Christ is an ongoing ever changing process. we grow, we learn , we make mistakes, we learn again and grow some more.
i really think for where he is as a seven year old, he understands enough to make the decision to love and honor God. so, i say i think he's got it!! it's time to celebrate! another one for Christ!!
jamil and i certainly talk with him, answer questions and read bible stories to him consistently. but what he receives while being in e-kidz (elevation's awesome children's ministry) has certainly been significant in this process.
on our first day at elevation (May 13, 2007- exactly 8 months ago yesterday), joshua left saying "this is the best church i have ever been to". you have to understand elevation is only the second church josh has known. he has always felt loved, welcomed and comfortable being in e-kidz. even when we moved over to the butler campus, the transition was smooth. i am so thankful for every small group leader, teacher, greeter, actor and worship leader that joshua has been in contact with. all of these amazing volunteers have been our "partners" in achieving this goal for joshua to know and love God. words really can not express my gratitude.
it is so exciting to be a part of a church who understands and values the importance of a thriving children's ministry. a church that understands that reaching people is what it is about. a church who has a clear vision statement and never strays from that...
...so that people far from God would be filled with life in Christ!
1.11.2008
disappointments...
because of pastor's sermon this past sunday, i have been thinking about disappointments a lot this week. i have thought of them in three different ways.
pastor steven referred to disappointments in regards to our Heavenly Father and how we have let Him down. that is something i know i have done and his sermon really spoke to that. the main focus of his sermon was that just because you disappoint God, He does not "un-appoint" you from what He has planned for you. that is so comforting to know that our God has a plan for us and even when we let him down or do Him wrong, he still loves us and still wants His plan for us carried out. this was the first disappointment i have thought about this week.
another way i thought of disappointment this is when we disappoint another person. i am the type of person who is built to please. a people pleaser - if you will. i thrive on building others up and not letting them down. so i really try not to disappoint other people. i have also been disappointed by other people in my life. who hasn't been? disappointing or be disappointed by someone else isn't a pleasant experience. but it happens.
what happens when we are let down by something or someone else?? this brings me to the third way i have thought of disappointment this week.
last year, i experience a lot of disappointments. and because my life was so full of them, i put them behind me and i sailed into this year with the attitude that it is a new year and i shouldn't face too many disappointments. well,i was wrong. already in this second week of this new year, i was thrown a disappointment. i didn't even see it coming, it came out of no where.
after a year of feeling beaten down, i don't have the strength to pull out of this one. it is too early. it has pretty much hit me and knocked me down. being down is not a fun place to be. it tends to immobilize me. my attitude is less than positive. my heart just feels broken and sad. my head is spinning. my body is tired.
as a wife, mom, servant and Christ follower, i have to make the decision to see past this disappointment. to rise above it. to see this as part of God's plan. to know He is with me even though i feel alone and far from Him. to feel the hope and faith that only He can provide. i have people counting on me. He is counting on me to get up from this interference that threw me off track.
but not today. i have another wound to heal. and it will take some time. i know what i need to do. i just need some time to get there.
pastor steven referred to disappointments in regards to our Heavenly Father and how we have let Him down. that is something i know i have done and his sermon really spoke to that. the main focus of his sermon was that just because you disappoint God, He does not "un-appoint" you from what He has planned for you. that is so comforting to know that our God has a plan for us and even when we let him down or do Him wrong, he still loves us and still wants His plan for us carried out. this was the first disappointment i have thought about this week.
another way i thought of disappointment this is when we disappoint another person. i am the type of person who is built to please. a people pleaser - if you will. i thrive on building others up and not letting them down. so i really try not to disappoint other people. i have also been disappointed by other people in my life. who hasn't been? disappointing or be disappointed by someone else isn't a pleasant experience. but it happens.
what happens when we are let down by something or someone else?? this brings me to the third way i have thought of disappointment this week.
last year, i experience a lot of disappointments. and because my life was so full of them, i put them behind me and i sailed into this year with the attitude that it is a new year and i shouldn't face too many disappointments. well,i was wrong. already in this second week of this new year, i was thrown a disappointment. i didn't even see it coming, it came out of no where.
after a year of feeling beaten down, i don't have the strength to pull out of this one. it is too early. it has pretty much hit me and knocked me down. being down is not a fun place to be. it tends to immobilize me. my attitude is less than positive. my heart just feels broken and sad. my head is spinning. my body is tired.
as a wife, mom, servant and Christ follower, i have to make the decision to see past this disappointment. to rise above it. to see this as part of God's plan. to know He is with me even though i feel alone and far from Him. to feel the hope and faith that only He can provide. i have people counting on me. He is counting on me to get up from this interference that threw me off track.
but not today. i have another wound to heal. and it will take some time. i know what i need to do. i just need some time to get there.
1.10.2008
wonderful number...
this week i think 3,000 is a wonderful number! first of all, as i mentioned in a previous post, elevation hit a record attendance number of over 3,000.
today, i have had over 3,000 hits on my blog since i installed the counter in october. wow. that is pretty cool. although, i must say i am very humbled by and a little bewildered at who reads this thing.
so for those of you reading - thank you so much! i hope that my blog will touch you (or someone) in some way and that God will be honored by it's existence.
today, i have had over 3,000 hits on my blog since i installed the counter in october. wow. that is pretty cool. although, i must say i am very humbled by and a little bewildered at who reads this thing.
so for those of you reading - thank you so much! i hope that my blog will touch you (or someone) in some way and that God will be honored by it's existence.
MIA...
yesterday i didn't really spend much time if any in the blog world or even on email. three of my friends were emailing back and forth yesterday, each time including me in each of the emails, we (really they) were finalizing plans for our playdate for today. but i never once "replied to all" during their "conversation" until late in the afternoon. and when i did i told them that i was sorry for being MIA. i was missing in action from the little world that lives inside my computer.
and i realized my last past was on my exhaustion. where as i am not basking in sleep and peacefulness a hotel room like my dear friend, i have caught up on some of my sleep. i am feeling a little more rested. thanks so much to all of you who were praying for me!
i actually have a few posts in the works and will work on finishing them as soon as i can. so, in the meantime i wanted you to know i haven't run away (yet) to escape this exhaustion, but i did consider hiding in chelsea's suitcase. now i am working on hugh to take us to disney world when he takes his family!!!
stay posted for more posts to come (some good stuff in the works - if i might say so myself!!)....
and i realized my last past was on my exhaustion. where as i am not basking in sleep and peacefulness a hotel room like my dear friend, i have caught up on some of my sleep. i am feeling a little more rested. thanks so much to all of you who were praying for me!
i actually have a few posts in the works and will work on finishing them as soon as i can. so, in the meantime i wanted you to know i haven't run away (yet) to escape this exhaustion, but i did consider hiding in chelsea's suitcase. now i am working on hugh to take us to disney world when he takes his family!!!
stay posted for more posts to come (some good stuff in the works - if i might say so myself!!)....
1.08.2008
exhausted to tears...
i haven't been sleeping so well over the last week or so. i will fall asleep just fine -- i have no trouble then. it is when one of my two younger children come into my room and attempt to climb in our bed. this has been happening a few times a night. they take turns. honestly, between the two of them i am sometimes up 4 or 5 times a night. once i am up i have the hardest time getting back to sleep. if i manage to get back to sleep, i am usually awaken again. and even if there is a good night and no one enters our room, i will be awaken by something else and then find it hard to fall asleep again. i lay there frustrated. and then my mind begins to wander. i will begin to worry about things. then i will begin to plan or organize in my head. then i begin to pray. sometimes i drift off to sleep other times it doesn't seem that i do. and then the alarm goes off...
last night was just as i described. and today i am as exhausted to tears. i had planned to take a nap during the kids' naptime and it did not go as planned. jordyn never took a nap so i heard hear playing in her room. at one point i drifted and then was awoken. then i laid on the couch in tears and frustrated. i needed a nap so bad, i just couldn't sleep.
now, the long afternoon begins or better known as "the bewitching hours". i will be on countdown until bedtime. it can't come soon enough. until then i will be exhausted to tears.
last night was just as i described. and today i am as exhausted to tears. i had planned to take a nap during the kids' naptime and it did not go as planned. jordyn never took a nap so i heard hear playing in her room. at one point i drifted and then was awoken. then i laid on the couch in tears and frustrated. i needed a nap so bad, i just couldn't sleep.
now, the long afternoon begins or better known as "the bewitching hours". i will be on countdown until bedtime. it can't come soon enough. until then i will be exhausted to tears.
1.07.2008
first day back...
today, was josh's first day back to school after a two week break. he wasn't thrilled to get up and get going. but he did it! so we are back in routine here. although after dropping him off this morning (at 7:45 and in my new pj's from target!) i got to come straight home!! yeah! it was so nice to not have to pick up tucker and take him and jordyn to preschool. so, this morning i have been checking and responding to email, checking our evite to momtourage (book study for moms at elevation), updating facebook, creating an icebreaker for momtourage and sending out a few evites for next sunday to elevation. jesiah and jordyn have been playing pretty well by themselves.
oh, if you haven't heard... we hit an all time high in attendance yesterday over 3500 people were at elevation chruch - b/w 2 locations and 5 services!!!! WOW! And to top the day off over 100 people gave their lives to Christ!! AMAZING!!! .... I love that word & I have been using that word a lot. It has been truly describing the things happening around here!! the things that God is doing at Elevation and in our personal life!!
today I am going to catch up on some laundry and cleaning. I will be gearing up to run to the store before momtourage. i am so excited to see my friends from momtourage and to meet all the new ladies that will be there! God is all over this group of ladies!!!
oh, if you haven't heard... we hit an all time high in attendance yesterday over 3500 people were at elevation chruch - b/w 2 locations and 5 services!!!! WOW! And to top the day off over 100 people gave their lives to Christ!! AMAZING!!! .... I love that word & I have been using that word a lot. It has been truly describing the things happening around here!! the things that God is doing at Elevation and in our personal life!!
today I am going to catch up on some laundry and cleaning. I will be gearing up to run to the store before momtourage. i am so excited to see my friends from momtourage and to meet all the new ladies that will be there! God is all over this group of ladies!!!
1.04.2008
back from target....
tonight i went to my last session of dream dinners for awhile (another thing we are cutting back on) and then on to target! i just love target. i will never forget 10 years ago when i visited my first target in matthews, nc. my friend, jen, took me there and told me i would never ever be the same after visiting "tar-jay". and i haven't been.
target is my favorite place. i love going there, i really love going without kids. so wouldn't you know i am not the only one with this obsession. i was just reading over my friend, melanie's blog and she talked about her love for it too! wow, two of us love the same place unheard of, right? all of that written in pure sarcasm. i am sure their are a lot of you out there who love you some good old "tar-jay"
here is the best part, my friend, mel put a link at the bottom of her post to this blog. a new addition to my blogroll. if you love target ~ you will love this one!
oh, i can't forget to mention i am sitting here typing this in my new jammies that were on clearance!! gotta love it!! this post will serve as my gotta love it/gotta have it post. i hadn't done one of those in awhile.
target is my favorite place. i love going there, i really love going without kids. so wouldn't you know i am not the only one with this obsession. i was just reading over my friend, melanie's blog and she talked about her love for it too! wow, two of us love the same place unheard of, right? all of that written in pure sarcasm. i am sure their are a lot of you out there who love you some good old "tar-jay"
here is the best part, my friend, mel put a link at the bottom of her post to this blog. a new addition to my blogroll. if you love target ~ you will love this one!
oh, i can't forget to mention i am sitting here typing this in my new jammies that were on clearance!! gotta love it!! this post will serve as my gotta love it/gotta have it post. i hadn't done one of those in awhile.
settling down...
it seems to be a common theme amongst my friends, family and fellow bloggers that everyone has this need to cut back, take out the busy-ness, and to stop overcommiting. it seems everyone is looking for a more simple life. and that definitely includes me.
ever since the beginning of the school year, when i took on a lot of responsibilities in a short amount of time, i haven't felt settled or in a routine. i ran around a lot with no real direction it seemed.
for the first couple of weeks i questioned decisions i had made about commitments in my life and felt like something needed to change, that i needed to cut something back. but i didn't know what. i waited for an answer from whoever would give it to me. it didn't ever come... i just kept up this really ridiculous pace for over four months.
i don't want to bore you with the details of my schedule but let me tell you it was a nightmare. running from school to school, picking up kids, dropping them off, running errands, running useless errands, spending more money than i had, sitting and waiting to drop off at one of two schools or pick up at a school. then then i would get home and it was near time to make dinner, check homework, sort through mail (aka throwing it in a pretty basket on the counter most of the time), return emails and phone calls and then time again to run somewhere else or wait for someone to be picked up. i kept hearing the words you need to cut back, you are doing too much from so many people. but i didn't know how or what to cut back on, what to say "no" too. everything i said yes to was to benefit my family right? school, preschool, part time jobs, extra activities... those are all great things until they have you so exhausted you can't function.
at the end of the day or really the end of the afternoon, i was exhausted and so stressed out. i was so exhausted that my husband and kid's got second best from me. they got a tired, grouchy, unhappy wife and mom who just yelled and snipped and fussed. i was exhausted from being that person, exhausted from giving my family the leftovers. i was stressed because i was always on the go and doing and things weren't getting done at home. i needed a break, a change, a solution.
over the holiday break, i evaluated my daily schedule. a great time to do it because it was quiet around here. we didn't need to go anywhere and i saw my life with a lot of "no's"; no school, no car pool, no waiting in car pool or parking lots, no driving all over the place, no preschool, no working at preschool, no picking up the little boy i care for, no waiting on his parents to pick him up, no spending extra money or running useless errands, no ballet, no basketball, no doctor's appointments, no work for jamil, no small group to lead, no small group to attend, no book study. no. none. a lot of family time and time spent doing things around the house and errands that were a necessity. simple life and settled down.
you may read this and think that is no different from what i do. or you may read this and be dog tired. for me, i realized by looking at all i do in a day, things could be rearranged and cut back. but it would mean i would have to say "NO" to some things.
God helped us in this process by giving us some answers. the biggest decision i made to was to take jordyn out of preschool (gasp... i am sure some of you are doing that right now). taking her out of preschool would mean a lot of time freed up in that crazy mess of a schedule. her preschool is a good 20-25 minute drive from home. (which i did for josh for 2 years and i couldn't make it through one more year.) with it being so far away from home two days a week i was stuck out away from home basically killing time and spending money that i didn't have. the third day of the week, i worked at her preschool basically which paid for her to go there. another day of the week i had to be away from home. and in that crazy schedule i manage to keep an extra child, picking him up from home and preschool as well as taking him to preschool. not to mention taking josh to school every day and picking him up 3 days (praise God for Angie who i car pool with).
all that to say, i made a huge decision that really goes against the grain of what most moms do. i said no to the preschool. i pounded myself with guilt and waivered on my decision several times a day. but i needed to do it for the sake of my sanity and the sake of my family.
i am ready to settle down. i am ready to live a more simple life. i am ready to give my family my firsts. and not my seconds.
it has been quite a journey. it has taken a while to get to this place of desiring a simple life. i am glad to be on my way to living a life that gives my family and friends my best.
ever since the beginning of the school year, when i took on a lot of responsibilities in a short amount of time, i haven't felt settled or in a routine. i ran around a lot with no real direction it seemed.
for the first couple of weeks i questioned decisions i had made about commitments in my life and felt like something needed to change, that i needed to cut something back. but i didn't know what. i waited for an answer from whoever would give it to me. it didn't ever come... i just kept up this really ridiculous pace for over four months.
i don't want to bore you with the details of my schedule but let me tell you it was a nightmare. running from school to school, picking up kids, dropping them off, running errands, running useless errands, spending more money than i had, sitting and waiting to drop off at one of two schools or pick up at a school. then then i would get home and it was near time to make dinner, check homework, sort through mail (aka throwing it in a pretty basket on the counter most of the time), return emails and phone calls and then time again to run somewhere else or wait for someone to be picked up. i kept hearing the words you need to cut back, you are doing too much from so many people. but i didn't know how or what to cut back on, what to say "no" too. everything i said yes to was to benefit my family right? school, preschool, part time jobs, extra activities... those are all great things until they have you so exhausted you can't function.
at the end of the day or really the end of the afternoon, i was exhausted and so stressed out. i was so exhausted that my husband and kid's got second best from me. they got a tired, grouchy, unhappy wife and mom who just yelled and snipped and fussed. i was exhausted from being that person, exhausted from giving my family the leftovers. i was stressed because i was always on the go and doing and things weren't getting done at home. i needed a break, a change, a solution.
over the holiday break, i evaluated my daily schedule. a great time to do it because it was quiet around here. we didn't need to go anywhere and i saw my life with a lot of "no's"; no school, no car pool, no waiting in car pool or parking lots, no driving all over the place, no preschool, no working at preschool, no picking up the little boy i care for, no waiting on his parents to pick him up, no spending extra money or running useless errands, no ballet, no basketball, no doctor's appointments, no work for jamil, no small group to lead, no small group to attend, no book study. no. none. a lot of family time and time spent doing things around the house and errands that were a necessity. simple life and settled down.
you may read this and think that is no different from what i do. or you may read this and be dog tired. for me, i realized by looking at all i do in a day, things could be rearranged and cut back. but it would mean i would have to say "NO" to some things.
God helped us in this process by giving us some answers. the biggest decision i made to was to take jordyn out of preschool (gasp... i am sure some of you are doing that right now). taking her out of preschool would mean a lot of time freed up in that crazy mess of a schedule. her preschool is a good 20-25 minute drive from home. (which i did for josh for 2 years and i couldn't make it through one more year.) with it being so far away from home two days a week i was stuck out away from home basically killing time and spending money that i didn't have. the third day of the week, i worked at her preschool basically which paid for her to go there. another day of the week i had to be away from home. and in that crazy schedule i manage to keep an extra child, picking him up from home and preschool as well as taking him to preschool. not to mention taking josh to school every day and picking him up 3 days (praise God for Angie who i car pool with).
all that to say, i made a huge decision that really goes against the grain of what most moms do. i said no to the preschool. i pounded myself with guilt and waivered on my decision several times a day. but i needed to do it for the sake of my sanity and the sake of my family.
i am ready to settle down. i am ready to live a more simple life. i am ready to give my family my firsts. and not my seconds.
it has been quite a journey. it has taken a while to get to this place of desiring a simple life. i am glad to be on my way to living a life that gives my family and friends my best.
1.03.2008
such comfort...
i have such comfort in the fact that God has placed amazing people in my life at just the right times. friendships are such a blessing from Him. being able to connect with other women is so refreshing and so empowering.
today, i took jordyn to ballet. which is one of the highlights of our week. the studio (masterpiece studio) and her teacher (ms. jackie) are awesome. on our way there, not even 5 minutes from home, i realized we left jordyn's tap & ballet shoes at home. so i turned around to get them and when i did we were rushing to get there. and wouldn't you know it, i got behind a school bus, got stuck in school traffic, hit every red light, got stuck waiting for a train and then got behind slow traffic and a tractor trailer on 74. so i rushed her in to class. once i got settled, i sat with the other "dance moms" and we chatted.
but you know, it wasn't just chatter or small talk like you think you would get when taking your daughter to ballet. what i received from those ladies was such a comfort to my heart and soul. God blessed me today by allowing me to spend time with three wonderful ladies who i am so glad i can call my friends. i don't know each of them very well or for a very long amount of time. but i know that God has positioned them in my life for a reason.
we were able to talk very honestly and openly mostly about parenting and being moms. there was such an awesome amount of transparency present in the tiny waiting area crowded with 4 moms and seven children, not taking ballet.
i take comfort in the fact that when God takes something away from us it is for the benefit of us, even though we don't know why. and when he takes something away from us he always replaces it with something even better, even if we don't know when. He has done this for me with my friendships over the past year.
i value the gift of friendship. there is nothing better than being able to be open and real and honest with others who are being the same. God has been blessing me with some amazing women who i am so glad i can call my friends. i praise Him for true frienships that stand the test of time and i praise Him for new friendships that He brings in just the nick of time.
today, i took jordyn to ballet. which is one of the highlights of our week. the studio (masterpiece studio) and her teacher (ms. jackie) are awesome. on our way there, not even 5 minutes from home, i realized we left jordyn's tap & ballet shoes at home. so i turned around to get them and when i did we were rushing to get there. and wouldn't you know it, i got behind a school bus, got stuck in school traffic, hit every red light, got stuck waiting for a train and then got behind slow traffic and a tractor trailer on 74. so i rushed her in to class. once i got settled, i sat with the other "dance moms" and we chatted.
but you know, it wasn't just chatter or small talk like you think you would get when taking your daughter to ballet. what i received from those ladies was such a comfort to my heart and soul. God blessed me today by allowing me to spend time with three wonderful ladies who i am so glad i can call my friends. i don't know each of them very well or for a very long amount of time. but i know that God has positioned them in my life for a reason.
we were able to talk very honestly and openly mostly about parenting and being moms. there was such an awesome amount of transparency present in the tiny waiting area crowded with 4 moms and seven children, not taking ballet.
i take comfort in the fact that when God takes something away from us it is for the benefit of us, even though we don't know why. and when he takes something away from us he always replaces it with something even better, even if we don't know when. He has done this for me with my friendships over the past year.
i value the gift of friendship. there is nothing better than being able to be open and real and honest with others who are being the same. God has been blessing me with some amazing women who i am so glad i can call my friends. i praise Him for true frienships that stand the test of time and i praise Him for new friendships that He brings in just the nick of time.
1.02.2008
serious quiet time...
after lunch today i put the little kids to sleep and put the big one in front of the tv. i was in need of some serious quiet time. at first, i thought i was going to take a nap. our kids have made a hobby of coming into our room several times a night over the last week or so, all for various reasons and at different times, so i thought a nap would be a good idea.
god had other plans for my serious quiet time, not involving sleep or blogging or making a phone call. he got my attention and we had a heart to heart. wow... the power of getting quiet and being still in front of the lord is amazing.
i had my bible, my journal and my ipod. i listened to 2 songs that have been really speaking to me (amazed by jared anderson and a greater song by paul baloche). i was able to really talk and listen to god and he revealed so many things to me in this hour that we had together.
i realized a list of things that i needed to let go of, to set free & to put into his hands. i didn't want to carry the burden of those things any longer and he didn't want me to. he also brought it to my attention that i have been asking him for direction and answers and i haven't been available to listen to what he has been telling me. i thought he went silent, because that does happen, but he didn't i just wasn't listening.
my serious quiet time is something i realized i have been missing over the last few months. i am bringing this experience that i had on the second day of this year with me throughout the rest of this year. it is a necessity that i forgot about. and that can't happen any longer. he is the strength and the answer to what i need to live a life full of joy this year.
so often i overlook and forget about having a quiet time. i pray a lot during the day, but a serious quiet time, where i can reflect and listen i put aside. i become to busy to stop, be still and be amazed by Him. and when i forget i am lost. and my days don't go right and i get nothing done. and all along, i have had the answer right in front of me ~ look to Him! He has the answers, the directions, the strength, the comfort, the companionship and the love i need.
god had other plans for my serious quiet time, not involving sleep or blogging or making a phone call. he got my attention and we had a heart to heart. wow... the power of getting quiet and being still in front of the lord is amazing.
i had my bible, my journal and my ipod. i listened to 2 songs that have been really speaking to me (amazed by jared anderson and a greater song by paul baloche). i was able to really talk and listen to god and he revealed so many things to me in this hour that we had together.
i realized a list of things that i needed to let go of, to set free & to put into his hands. i didn't want to carry the burden of those things any longer and he didn't want me to. he also brought it to my attention that i have been asking him for direction and answers and i haven't been available to listen to what he has been telling me. i thought he went silent, because that does happen, but he didn't i just wasn't listening.
my serious quiet time is something i realized i have been missing over the last few months. i am bringing this experience that i had on the second day of this year with me throughout the rest of this year. it is a necessity that i forgot about. and that can't happen any longer. he is the strength and the answer to what i need to live a life full of joy this year.
so often i overlook and forget about having a quiet time. i pray a lot during the day, but a serious quiet time, where i can reflect and listen i put aside. i become to busy to stop, be still and be amazed by Him. and when i forget i am lost. and my days don't go right and i get nothing done. and all along, i have had the answer right in front of me ~ look to Him! He has the answers, the directions, the strength, the comfort, the companionship and the love i need.
wandering & pondering...
early this morning, jamil went back to work after being off for a week and a half. we had a wonderful time while he was off. our days were spent just hanging out and having some major family time! we did venture out and about a few times, but for the most part we stayed at home. we relaxed a lot! it was much needed time together and resting!!
today, i have found myself deep in thought and wandering around a lot. it seems i can't really get anything done. i am just walking around in circles. i have a lot of thoughts going through my head on what this year is going to look like for our family.
i had high ambitions of accomplishment today, but i do not feel like i am completing much of anything. i think i am just playing catch up today. i have straightened up parts of the house, only to be undone by three little helpers. i have made a few phone calls and replied to several emails. i have made lists of things i want to accomplish this year, like projects and such. i have downloaded a few songs on my new ipod (merry christmas to me - i was a good girl!). i am having a hard time coming off of "vacation mode". it is like my mind wants to get things done, but my body just wants to stay resting.
today, i have found myself deep in thought and wandering around a lot. it seems i can't really get anything done. i am just walking around in circles. i have a lot of thoughts going through my head on what this year is going to look like for our family.
i had high ambitions of accomplishment today, but i do not feel like i am completing much of anything. i think i am just playing catch up today. i have straightened up parts of the house, only to be undone by three little helpers. i have made a few phone calls and replied to several emails. i have made lists of things i want to accomplish this year, like projects and such. i have downloaded a few songs on my new ipod (merry christmas to me - i was a good girl!). i am having a hard time coming off of "vacation mode". it is like my mind wants to get things done, but my body just wants to stay resting.
1.01.2008
enchanted new year...
happy new year to you! was yours an enchanted one?
this morning as i was lounging on the couch -- i received a phone call from my new friend, anita, who was calling to invite jordyn and i to a girl's afternoon out! anita and i just met a few weeks ago, her husband, philip, is elevation's new family life pastor. a wonderful family!
so, after approving it with the wonderful hubby (who held down the fort and even cooked the pork roast while i was gone) we made plans to take our girls (anita's oldest daughter - savannah grace) to see enchanted! we had such a great time. our girls are close in age and are definitely a match for each other - they have similar personalities and give each other a run for their money.
the movie is awesome!! it is very family (mother-daughter) friendly. it is very cute and funny. and it has mcdreamy(patrick dempsey) in it!!! being a princess wanna be - i loved it!! so did anita... oh and the little girls did too!!! it is a must see if you have little girls!! we ran into my friend, susan and her girls, they had the same idea for a girls day out!
anita brought her camera and took a few pics, click here and you can view her blog and see our pics!
this morning as i was lounging on the couch -- i received a phone call from my new friend, anita, who was calling to invite jordyn and i to a girl's afternoon out! anita and i just met a few weeks ago, her husband, philip, is elevation's new family life pastor. a wonderful family!
so, after approving it with the wonderful hubby (who held down the fort and even cooked the pork roast while i was gone) we made plans to take our girls (anita's oldest daughter - savannah grace) to see enchanted! we had such a great time. our girls are close in age and are definitely a match for each other - they have similar personalities and give each other a run for their money.
the movie is awesome!! it is very family (mother-daughter) friendly. it is very cute and funny. and it has mcdreamy(patrick dempsey) in it!!! being a princess wanna be - i loved it!! so did anita... oh and the little girls did too!!! it is a must see if you have little girls!! we ran into my friend, susan and her girls, they had the same idea for a girls day out!
anita brought her camera and took a few pics, click here and you can view her blog and see our pics!
12.31.2007
last post for 2007...
i am ready to say good bye to this year. i have been busy un-decorating from christmas and trying to get things back in place today. i have organized our calendar for the first month of this new year. i have organized a few things here and there (not due to any stress this time) and moved some furniture around. eventually, i will reveal a new blog look for the new year!! oh, and jamil has been helping out doing his list of things as well.
i have this notion that to enter this new year, everything needs to be in place and ready to go. type A personality to say the least. it isn't like if it isn't done we won't be blessed with a new year. i am just eagerly anticipating this new beginning and feel like i need to be "doing". today, i physically moved things around to get ready.
over the last two weeks or so, i have mentally, emotionally and spiritually moved things around. i have done a lot of thinking and praying. jamil and i have done a lot of thinking, praying and planning together. we have made some major decisions as we move into 2008. we have made decisions that will indeed move us past the road blocks of this last year and into a year of great things. we know 2008 is going to be great!!!
last night our prayer and worship service at elevation was awesome. awesome doesn't even describe it. for me, it was such a time of restoration and gave me so much encouragement and so much hope as we move into this new year. elevation is such a big part of our lives and to be there last night just gave such an incredible and positive ending to 2007.
so, that is it... my last post for this year. my next one will be dated 2008!
i have this notion that to enter this new year, everything needs to be in place and ready to go. type A personality to say the least. it isn't like if it isn't done we won't be blessed with a new year. i am just eagerly anticipating this new beginning and feel like i need to be "doing". today, i physically moved things around to get ready.
over the last two weeks or so, i have mentally, emotionally and spiritually moved things around. i have done a lot of thinking and praying. jamil and i have done a lot of thinking, praying and planning together. we have made some major decisions as we move into 2008. we have made decisions that will indeed move us past the road blocks of this last year and into a year of great things. we know 2008 is going to be great!!!
last night our prayer and worship service at elevation was awesome. awesome doesn't even describe it. for me, it was such a time of restoration and gave me so much encouragement and so much hope as we move into this new year. elevation is such a big part of our lives and to be there last night just gave such an incredible and positive ending to 2007.
so, that is it... my last post for this year. my next one will be dated 2008!
12.25.2007
christmas letter 2007...
This year has brought us a lot of change and transition to our family. We have experienced a great sense of loss this year in a few different ways. But we have also received a wonderful abundance of blessings!
Jamil and I each lost a grandmother, just a few months apart. That was pretty hard for both of us. And during this time God also led us away from our church home of over six years. Most of you know that Jamil was on staff at church and God called us away. He made it evidently clear that we were to step down from paid and volunteer positions and find a new church home. It was hard to say the least. We spent a lot of time in shock and disbelief at the turn of events.
God did not leave us during this time. He provided us with a church home immediately. We are now excited and sold out members of
Jamil is also serving in a wonderful capacity that uses his gifts to the extreme!! He is serving as one of our Pastor’s armor bearers. Jamil is able to serve Pastor Furtick by encouraging, praying and protecting him on Sunday mornings. Jamil is by his side and assisting him in whatever way he needs. I can say Jamil is greatly appreciated! As you can imagine leaving the Youth Group from our old church was especially heartbreaking for Jamil. But God has really healed those wounds. We have been able to keep in touch with a majority of our kids on a regular basis. Jamil made such an impact on their lives, that it just wasn’t possible for him to just walk away. Jamil continues to work at his full time job at AXA/Equitable as the Asst. Facilities Manager. God has been faithful in providing for our family, even with the loss of the income from his staff position. Jamil works a lot of side jobs here and there to help make ends meet! He stays busy!! He is coaching Josh’s basketball team this season for Upward.
Joshua turned seven in October. He started first grade this year at a charter school,
Jordyn turned four in July. She is still taking ballet and tap at a new studio and LOVES it. She started preschool this year and is doing great. Although some days she would rather be with mommy – still a mommy’s girl. Jordyn continues to be our princess! She has grown up so much over the past few months. Not only is she gorgeous she is very smart too. She loves to dance, sing and play dress up!!!
Jesiah turned two in March. He is still our sweet boy. He makes us laugh and smile. He talks all of the time. Jesiah loves to do whatever the other two are doing. He loves anything Disney Cars or Buzz Lightyear. Jesiah is very bright and extremely active. He is always on the go.
As for me, taking care of our three little blessings keeps me on the go. I also take care of our friend’s three year old little boy, three days a week. So, being a mommy is still my full time job right now.
I was accepted into the
We received this phrase in a beautiful card this week that I am going to use to close out our annual letter:
“May you experience Jesus Christ, who fills every void and can heal any heart. He is our miracle worker. To Him be all glory, honor and praise! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”
The Massey Family
12.24.2007
decision drama...
here is the update with jaci. yesterday after church (which was the most awesome service ever - more to come!) i received a voicemail from the guy who adopted jaci from us. our dog was reminding him too much of their other dog who was put to sleep in may. he was having second thoughts on keeping her. i must say i was sooooo sad and anxious about what to do next. then i remembered my "second choice" family.
i spoke to a really nice lady on saturday before the other family came. i really liked her and felt an instant connection. she is a kindergarten teacher with two little boys. her and her husband are going through a separation and she is looking for a puppy to complete their family. i let her know saturday night that jaci had been adopted but if something didn't work out i would call her.
so i did, yesterday afternoon. she was in asheville visiting family and when i called she was telling them about our puppy. little did she know that i would call to tell her she could adopt her. so she drove home early to meet jaci at the other families house. we were in contact most of the day. and then she called me last night to tell me that she had jaci with her and they were doing great!!! and she just emailed to say they are having a good day as well. jaci loves their two cats!!!
this is the best part... her boys (ages 7 & 8) were returning home today from being with their dad and she would surprise them with their new addition, in a big christmas bow if i might add!!! i can only imagine seeing our sweet puppy make another family so happy.
i know now that jaci is where she is meant to be. and that being able to bless another family makes me very happy!
although, it is still pretty hard on me. everything reminds me of her. i didn't think i would be so sad. and the kids have been missing her. jordyn reminded us that God helps us to do hard things (she has that one down thanks to E-Kidz!) she also told jesiah today that jaci wasn't with us, and jesiah said yeah she is at home, he hasn't even noticed jaci was gone. josh is taking it the hardest, but prayed for jaci and for our decision to get easier.
i spoke to a really nice lady on saturday before the other family came. i really liked her and felt an instant connection. she is a kindergarten teacher with two little boys. her and her husband are going through a separation and she is looking for a puppy to complete their family. i let her know saturday night that jaci had been adopted but if something didn't work out i would call her.
so i did, yesterday afternoon. she was in asheville visiting family and when i called she was telling them about our puppy. little did she know that i would call to tell her she could adopt her. so she drove home early to meet jaci at the other families house. we were in contact most of the day. and then she called me last night to tell me that she had jaci with her and they were doing great!!! and she just emailed to say they are having a good day as well. jaci loves their two cats!!!
this is the best part... her boys (ages 7 & 8) were returning home today from being with their dad and she would surprise them with their new addition, in a big christmas bow if i might add!!! i can only imagine seeing our sweet puppy make another family so happy.
i know now that jaci is where she is meant to be. and that being able to bless another family makes me very happy!
although, it is still pretty hard on me. everything reminds me of her. i didn't think i would be so sad. and the kids have been missing her. jordyn reminded us that God helps us to do hard things (she has that one down thanks to E-Kidz!) she also told jesiah today that jaci wasn't with us, and jesiah said yeah she is at home, he hasn't even noticed jaci was gone. josh is taking it the hardest, but prayed for jaci and for our decision to get easier.
12.22.2007
decision update...
just wanted to let you know that the family who came to meet jaci, left with jaci. it was a hard decision for them, which made it harder for me because i had prepared to say good bye to her. and when we thought that they may not take her, i was panicked. but God answered my prayers.
they had a hard time because jaci looked so much like their dog who had to be put to sleep in may, her name was casey (- how bout that for coincidence. also, casey's birthday was on christmas day and they took jaci home for a christmas present) anyway, they were not sure that having a dog who looked so much like the one they lost would be good for them. but they fell in love with jaci and after being here for about 2 hours, they did take her home. i feel soooo good about the decision and i know she is with the right family. it still was hard.
it wasn't easy to say good bye to her. and little things around the house remind me of her and i get a little sad. putting her in their van with them was one of the hardest things i have ever done. she looked at me and i just cried. i do miss her. but i know this is for the best. i know she will be loved and a part of a great family!
God's hands have been all over this. i have been sad today, my heart a little broken. the kids are doing pretty good. they were upset for a few minutes. and when we talked about it today, jordyn reminded josh that God helps us to do hard things. and she is so right again. when God asks us to do something, the right something, it isn't always easy, most of the time it is hard but it is for the best - His best. so, i digress... (God, I have gotten this down, can't we move on to the next lesson, I am emotionally exhausted from loss and pain and crying - it has been a long year, although you have provided in so many ways. i will take what you give me and do it without a complaint!)
doing an early christmas with my parent's tonight took their minds off of her being gone. and mine too. the presents stacked up helped with their loss. and the check they gave us to buy our present helped me too. i am sure that it will get easier as the days go on, but tonight as i right this there are still a few tears left in me. i am looking forward to tomorrow and being in church!!!
they had a hard time because jaci looked so much like their dog who had to be put to sleep in may, her name was casey (- how bout that for coincidence. also, casey's birthday was on christmas day and they took jaci home for a christmas present) anyway, they were not sure that having a dog who looked so much like the one they lost would be good for them. but they fell in love with jaci and after being here for about 2 hours, they did take her home. i feel soooo good about the decision and i know she is with the right family. it still was hard.
it wasn't easy to say good bye to her. and little things around the house remind me of her and i get a little sad. putting her in their van with them was one of the hardest things i have ever done. she looked at me and i just cried. i do miss her. but i know this is for the best. i know she will be loved and a part of a great family!
God's hands have been all over this. i have been sad today, my heart a little broken. the kids are doing pretty good. they were upset for a few minutes. and when we talked about it today, jordyn reminded josh that God helps us to do hard things. and she is so right again. when God asks us to do something, the right something, it isn't always easy, most of the time it is hard but it is for the best - His best. so, i digress... (God, I have gotten this down, can't we move on to the next lesson, I am emotionally exhausted from loss and pain and crying - it has been a long year, although you have provided in so many ways. i will take what you give me and do it without a complaint!)
doing an early christmas with my parent's tonight took their minds off of her being gone. and mine too. the presents stacked up helped with their loss. and the check they gave us to buy our present helped me too. i am sure that it will get easier as the days go on, but tonight as i right this there are still a few tears left in me. i am looking forward to tomorrow and being in church!!!
decision revisited...
well, after posting the last post on a hard decision. i really didn't think i could find a new home for jaci. jamil and i even talked and decided to keep her awhile longer. so yesterday i went about my business and thought we were going to keep her. then yesterday afternoon i had a prompting, which i think and feel it was from God. and he spoke to my heart (yeah - see he is in the big and the small things like a pet!) and made me think if i really wanted to keep her and if i did, why?
she is a great puppy. she is soooo cute and soooo sweet. but i just don't see her as part of the family like a lot of other dog owners do. to me it looks great to have a puppy to complete the family, but in reality, i am just not feeling it. if that makes any sense. maybe it is God working on my heart again.
as i played with her and tried to enjoy having a puppy yesterday, i kept thinking about the replies i received from craig's list. there was one family that really stuck out to me, i loved what he had to say in the email so i decided to give him a call. and when i did i felt complete peace.... i feel like he and his family are to adopt jaci. there are so many little things that i saw as signs from God that kept sticking out. which i will speak to later.
so today, we will meet with the family and let them meet jaci. and if all feels right, they will adopt jaci. it will be a bit emotional to have to say goodbye AGAIN -- (loss is wearing me out this year, we have had way too much) -- but i know it is the right thing. and i know the right thing isn't always easy.
i will share the details of our phone conversation and our meeting in another post.
so please pray for our family today as we go through this transition. it is hard to say the least.
she is a great puppy. she is soooo cute and soooo sweet. but i just don't see her as part of the family like a lot of other dog owners do. to me it looks great to have a puppy to complete the family, but in reality, i am just not feeling it. if that makes any sense. maybe it is God working on my heart again.
as i played with her and tried to enjoy having a puppy yesterday, i kept thinking about the replies i received from craig's list. there was one family that really stuck out to me, i loved what he had to say in the email so i decided to give him a call. and when i did i felt complete peace.... i feel like he and his family are to adopt jaci. there are so many little things that i saw as signs from God that kept sticking out. which i will speak to later.
so today, we will meet with the family and let them meet jaci. and if all feels right, they will adopt jaci. it will be a bit emotional to have to say goodbye AGAIN -- (loss is wearing me out this year, we have had way too much) -- but i know it is the right thing. and i know the right thing isn't always easy.
i will share the details of our phone conversation and our meeting in another post.
so please pray for our family today as we go through this transition. it is hard to say the least.
12.20.2007
hard decision...
jamil and i made a really hard decision this morning. maybe a little harder for me than him. we have decided to find a new home for our black lab puppy. we have struggled with this for some time now. jamil and i are just not "pet people". i think we thought we could be, but it just isn't working for us. we constantly feel bothered by what needs to be done to give her a good home.
i have been pretty emotional today about the decision. i know it is the right one, logically. but emotionally, i get so upset. i have sent out a mass email and posted on craig's list. i spoke with one lady on the phone from my ad on craig's list. and i got pretty choked up. so i called jamil at work to tell him i didn't think i could do this. of course he talked me through it.
jamil reminded me that we just don't have a lot of "free time". and if and when we do, we chose to spend it with our kids or family or friends. so poor little puppy spends a lot of time in her crate or outside on the back porch or on a run. it really is not the best life for her. she could be better cared for in a home with people who love pets. we are just not those people. we have tried to be. but it isn't coming easily for us at all.
when i was talking to jamil, i realized one of the reasons i am having a hard time is that i am looking at this as a failure. if you know me, you know when i do things i do them well, i put a lot into what i do and want things i do to be perfect (or close to). i also do not give up easily. i rarely quit at any kind of commitment i have made. actually, i don't recall quitting anything as an adult. i am struggling because i am not doing this puppy parenting thing well. i am barely keeping my head above water with three young children and having a fourth 3 days a week. then you add a puppy into the mix and i just have nothing left to give. i don't feel like i am doing anything well. i know with my personality i am pretty hard on myself but i just feel torn. and i feel down a lot of times about what i am not doing or how i could do things better.
jamil and i have made a lot of decisions together by using a simple "pros and cons" list. for this decision - there is way more in the pros column to finding jaci another home. i think there may be just 2 things in the cons column and both of those are emotionally based.
one of those cons is how the kids will take this decision. we have told joshua that we will be giving jaci to someone else for christmas - the timing is perfect! and we know with all the excitement of christmas they will be very distracted.
so, if you know of anyone looking for a wonderful 6 month old puppy, please let us know!! we want to find her a good home just in time for christmas!!
i have been pretty emotional today about the decision. i know it is the right one, logically. but emotionally, i get so upset. i have sent out a mass email and posted on craig's list. i spoke with one lady on the phone from my ad on craig's list. and i got pretty choked up. so i called jamil at work to tell him i didn't think i could do this. of course he talked me through it.
jamil reminded me that we just don't have a lot of "free time". and if and when we do, we chose to spend it with our kids or family or friends. so poor little puppy spends a lot of time in her crate or outside on the back porch or on a run. it really is not the best life for her. she could be better cared for in a home with people who love pets. we are just not those people. we have tried to be. but it isn't coming easily for us at all.
when i was talking to jamil, i realized one of the reasons i am having a hard time is that i am looking at this as a failure. if you know me, you know when i do things i do them well, i put a lot into what i do and want things i do to be perfect (or close to). i also do not give up easily. i rarely quit at any kind of commitment i have made. actually, i don't recall quitting anything as an adult. i am struggling because i am not doing this puppy parenting thing well. i am barely keeping my head above water with three young children and having a fourth 3 days a week. then you add a puppy into the mix and i just have nothing left to give. i don't feel like i am doing anything well. i know with my personality i am pretty hard on myself but i just feel torn. and i feel down a lot of times about what i am not doing or how i could do things better.
jamil and i have made a lot of decisions together by using a simple "pros and cons" list. for this decision - there is way more in the pros column to finding jaci another home. i think there may be just 2 things in the cons column and both of those are emotionally based.
one of those cons is how the kids will take this decision. we have told joshua that we will be giving jaci to someone else for christmas - the timing is perfect! and we know with all the excitement of christmas they will be very distracted.
so, if you know of anyone looking for a wonderful 6 month old puppy, please let us know!! we want to find her a good home just in time for christmas!!
the fun has begun....
yesterday, i realized that all of the fun and craziness of the season has begun!!
~ last night we had our high school small group here for our gift exchange and party!!
~ tonight i am going out with some friends from my MOPS Steering Team!!
~ tomorrow josh has a christmas party at school ~ we are baking cookies today!
~ tomorrow night we are going to a christmas party with some friends from church!!
~ saturday we are doing christmas with my family!!
~ sunday ~~~ big day ~~ christmas at cricket!!!
~ sunday afternoon- christmas with jamil's family!!
~ monday ~ christmas eve ~ we are getting together with the carr family: the kid's will make a birthday cake for jesus!
~ tuesday ~ it is the big day...
phewwww... busy but a ton of fun!!
~ last night we had our high school small group here for our gift exchange and party!!
~ tonight i am going out with some friends from my MOPS Steering Team!!
~ tomorrow josh has a christmas party at school ~ we are baking cookies today!
~ tomorrow night we are going to a christmas party with some friends from church!!
~ saturday we are doing christmas with my family!!
~ sunday ~~~ big day ~~ christmas at cricket!!!
~ sunday afternoon- christmas with jamil's family!!
~ monday ~ christmas eve ~ we are getting together with the carr family: the kid's will make a birthday cake for jesus!
~ tuesday ~ it is the big day...
phewwww... busy but a ton of fun!!
12.18.2007
honoring my husband...
since it is our anniversary, i wanted to brag on my husband and lift him up a little bit!! like every other wife, i declare that my husband is the best!! jamil is an awesome husband, a wonderful father and a faithful Christ follower. i couldn't have asked for a better man or a better partner.
he supports me and helps me with whatever i need. he helps out with the kids and the household to dos. there is always something to do and it seems like all kinds of stumbling blocks get in our way, but jamil has the most positive attitude and outlook on every situation. he relies on God for his daily encouragement and fulfillment and he passes that on to me. not always in his words, he can be kind of quiet, but always in his actions.
he strives to make the best decision, even if it is to tell me or the kids no to doing something or getting something we want. even if the decision turns out to be a wrong one (not to say i was right), he learns from his mistakes and moves on.
all around and inside out, jamil is a wonderful person with a wonderful heart. he is loyal and faithful. he is loyal to us and to those he interacts with. he loves to serve others, encourage others and minister to others. that is where his passion lies. and he does that on a daily basis to me and our family.
words can not even begin to express how honored i am to have him as my husband. words can not described how blessed i feel to be his wife. i met jamil at a time in my life where i was not in a relationship with God and jamil was a big part of my decision to accept Christ as my savior. he was a shining example of Christ' s love! and he still is today. i am very thankful that God blessed me with a man like jamil.
jamil, i love you and eight years does feel like eighty --- eighty wonderful years!!
he supports me and helps me with whatever i need. he helps out with the kids and the household to dos. there is always something to do and it seems like all kinds of stumbling blocks get in our way, but jamil has the most positive attitude and outlook on every situation. he relies on God for his daily encouragement and fulfillment and he passes that on to me. not always in his words, he can be kind of quiet, but always in his actions.
he strives to make the best decision, even if it is to tell me or the kids no to doing something or getting something we want. even if the decision turns out to be a wrong one (not to say i was right), he learns from his mistakes and moves on.
all around and inside out, jamil is a wonderful person with a wonderful heart. he is loyal and faithful. he is loyal to us and to those he interacts with. he loves to serve others, encourage others and minister to others. that is where his passion lies. and he does that on a daily basis to me and our family.
words can not even begin to express how honored i am to have him as my husband. words can not described how blessed i feel to be his wife. i met jamil at a time in my life where i was not in a relationship with God and jamil was a big part of my decision to accept Christ as my savior. he was a shining example of Christ' s love! and he still is today. i am very thankful that God blessed me with a man like jamil.
jamil, i love you and eight years does feel like eighty --- eighty wonderful years!!
here's to eight...
today is our eighth anniversary! when we decided to have a christmas wedding eight years ago, it was a beautiful idea. the church decorated festively to celebrate this awesome holiday. the lights all around seemed to twinkle and shine just for us. uptown, where we had our reception was beautifully lit and made a gorgeous backdrop for photographs. we stopped traffic to cross the street while all dressed up for our wedding day. that was fun!
eight years and three kids later, a christmas anniversary gets a little lost in the shuffle, if you know what i mean. there were many years that we allowed the day to go unnoticed or without much celebration. with the timing of our anniversary, we face the whole present ordeal too. like a child with a christmas birthday, often we combine our gifts making them anniversary/christmas gifts. many years we didn't exchange gifts for either holiday. this year we skip the anniversary gift and just do christmas (maybe).
on saturday night, we were able to have a night to ourselves - thanks to my mother in law for watching the kiddos - to finish up shopping for the kids and go out for dinner (kabutos - yum!). it was a wonderful time!
but today is really an ordinary day... since the celebrating was done early.
jamil is actually home from work today because we had some water/well issues that needed his attention. right now, he is off checking on a side job and then tonight he will be out with josh coaching his basketball team. later, i will look through our wedding album with jordyn - she will love to see all the pretty dresses and familiar faces!!!
i think we will begin to look into celebrating a "half anniversary" in june!
but even though our anniversary isn't nearly as big of a day as our wedding was, it is still super special to me!
eight years and three kids later, a christmas anniversary gets a little lost in the shuffle, if you know what i mean. there were many years that we allowed the day to go unnoticed or without much celebration. with the timing of our anniversary, we face the whole present ordeal too. like a child with a christmas birthday, often we combine our gifts making them anniversary/christmas gifts. many years we didn't exchange gifts for either holiday. this year we skip the anniversary gift and just do christmas (maybe).
on saturday night, we were able to have a night to ourselves - thanks to my mother in law for watching the kiddos - to finish up shopping for the kids and go out for dinner (kabutos - yum!). it was a wonderful time!
but today is really an ordinary day... since the celebrating was done early.
jamil is actually home from work today because we had some water/well issues that needed his attention. right now, he is off checking on a side job and then tonight he will be out with josh coaching his basketball team. later, i will look through our wedding album with jordyn - she will love to see all the pretty dresses and familiar faces!!!
i think we will begin to look into celebrating a "half anniversary" in june!
but even though our anniversary isn't nearly as big of a day as our wedding was, it is still super special to me!
12.17.2007
with a week left...
until Christmas, there is much to do but the good news is that i have gotten a lot done! i am trying hard to focus on the accomplishments!!! we finished up most of the shopping this weekend. this week - i just have to do some odds and ends for our high school small group party and josh's party for school. with no preschool this week, i am plus 2 children (jordyn and tucker - the little boy i take care of 3 days a week) and jamil will be out of town at the end of the week, my days and hours are limited.
i am sure many of you are feeling the same way. i have been encouraged today by so many blessings that are in my life. i am trying to focus on those to get me through this hectic time. i am encouraging you to do the same. to focus on all the blessings in your life and try not to let what hasn't gotten done bring you down. it's easy to focus on the stresses in our life but choose to focus on the things that bring you joy instead!
i am sure many of you are feeling the same way. i have been encouraged today by so many blessings that are in my life. i am trying to focus on those to get me through this hectic time. i am encouraging you to do the same. to focus on all the blessings in your life and try not to let what hasn't gotten done bring you down. it's easy to focus on the stresses in our life but choose to focus on the things that bring you joy instead!
12.15.2007
10 things 10 days before christmas...
1. like the holiday look on my blog?? oh by the way - to the left there is a christmas tree, you can leave me a virtual gift if you want - just click on the little banner that says leave a gift. my love language is "gifts" -- so i thought that was fitting!! you are in no way obligated to get what you leave -- it is just for fun. although i have been left a vacation from one of our girls -- too bad she really can't afford to send us (she is 14!!! and not going to thailand in july!! yeah for us!!!) although if we went i know she would babysit for us for free - right jojo?
2. it's beginning to look (feel) a lot like christmas....i am starting to feel a little more in the holiday mood!! i think the weather not being in the 80s has helped some. i love the warm weather just not used to it mid december.
3. jamil and i are going on a date night tonight. his mom is going to watch the kids - she offered!! so we are going to celebrate our anniversary a few days early and try to wrap up our christmas shopping.
4. jordyn had her first "big girl" sleepover last night and had a great time!!!! thanks jess for having her!!!! she stayed the whole night - i expected a call around 11 to come get her but she was a big girl. the other moms thought the same, it was their girls first time too -- but no one got called in the middle of the night!! yahoooo!!
5. we watched the transformers movie with the boys last night -- a great pick!! they loved it and so did we. although i fell asleep through some of it, what i saw was pretty good!!
6. i am looking forward to next week - our schedule is a little more open during the days since i don't have to take jordyn to preschool. that frees me up some. although our nights are way to busy next week. i am probably going to have to cut out something. it is all fun stuff but packed into one week. and jamil will be traveling on thursday and friday. so i will be in single parent mode for 36 hours or so. that is a scary thought. next week isn't as appealing as i thought, hmmm.. maybe i just won't think about it.
7. joshua is doing great in first grade, he has been getting all 100% on his spelling and math tests. he is also reading like a champ!! we are very proud of his accomplishments!!!
8. we don't do a lot of shopping for gifts. we keep it pretty simple around here!! we do a lot of homemade crafts and pictures and stuff. so i have most all of it done. i just need josh to help me with a few things and we will be all set. we only have to buy something for him. he has been the hardest to buy for. he wants things that are way too expensive for a 7 year old - ya know? so tonight i hope we can get his gift and be done.
9. jesiah has been a handful lately. it is like his "terrific twos" are turning a little bit "terrible" dare i say that? he has been into everything lately and i mean everything... for example, taking off his diaper at nap time when it has poo poo in it -- i will leave it at that. so he has been a challenge this week.
10. thinking of 10 things to write about was harder than i thought - i know that was not really a 10th thing, but i am out of ideas.
2. it's beginning to look (feel) a lot like christmas....i am starting to feel a little more in the holiday mood!! i think the weather not being in the 80s has helped some. i love the warm weather just not used to it mid december.
3. jamil and i are going on a date night tonight. his mom is going to watch the kids - she offered!! so we are going to celebrate our anniversary a few days early and try to wrap up our christmas shopping.
4. jordyn had her first "big girl" sleepover last night and had a great time!!!! thanks jess for having her!!!! she stayed the whole night - i expected a call around 11 to come get her but she was a big girl. the other moms thought the same, it was their girls first time too -- but no one got called in the middle of the night!! yahoooo!!
5. we watched the transformers movie with the boys last night -- a great pick!! they loved it and so did we. although i fell asleep through some of it, what i saw was pretty good!!
6. i am looking forward to next week - our schedule is a little more open during the days since i don't have to take jordyn to preschool. that frees me up some. although our nights are way to busy next week. i am probably going to have to cut out something. it is all fun stuff but packed into one week. and jamil will be traveling on thursday and friday. so i will be in single parent mode for 36 hours or so. that is a scary thought. next week isn't as appealing as i thought, hmmm.. maybe i just won't think about it.
7. joshua is doing great in first grade, he has been getting all 100% on his spelling and math tests. he is also reading like a champ!! we are very proud of his accomplishments!!!
8. we don't do a lot of shopping for gifts. we keep it pretty simple around here!! we do a lot of homemade crafts and pictures and stuff. so i have most all of it done. i just need josh to help me with a few things and we will be all set. we only have to buy something for him. he has been the hardest to buy for. he wants things that are way too expensive for a 7 year old - ya know? so tonight i hope we can get his gift and be done.
9. jesiah has been a handful lately. it is like his "terrific twos" are turning a little bit "terrible" dare i say that? he has been into everything lately and i mean everything... for example, taking off his diaper at nap time when it has poo poo in it -- i will leave it at that. so he has been a challenge this week.
10. thinking of 10 things to write about was harder than i thought - i know that was not really a 10th thing, but i am out of ideas.
12.12.2007
who is chubbacoo?
when i was in college, i pledged a sorority (go AST!). i loved every minute of being a part of that sisterhood bond. i was really active and involved in AST. i served in many different roles on the executive board (wow-what a big title-just now hit me-you'd think i was a part of some corporation doing something really big)
anyway, i made wonderful friendships. one of those friendships is still thriving after almost 13 years! my best friend, amy and i met when we were in college! this summer amy and i became mad myspacers. initially, jamil and i started our my spaces so we could keep up with our youth. then, amy caught onto the bandwagon and together her and i became reunited with a lot of our sorority sisters! it has been really awesome to catch up and see how different their lives are now.
one of my sisters, who was also my roommate our senior year, keeps a blog too. so i get to really keep track of her life and what is going on with her these days. melanie left me a note on myspace yesterday that i wanted to share with you. here is her message:
I was reading your latest post and looked over to read your blogroll and noticed that I am no longer listed there. Just wondering if that was an oversight---or for some other reason? mel
when i first read it i immediately knew my response. immediately. so here was my response to her - (with some editing done here):
omg... thank you soooo much for bringing it to my attention, as you can tell, my blog has been under construction and i have been revamping it. i was trying to categorize my blogroll (i have a type A (anal) personality you see) and it was an honest mistake when i deleted a bunch of them and put some under our church and then never replaced some. i was going to do an AST blogroll/category, but you are the only AST other than Amy that I know of who has a blog. Anyway all that to say.... I am soooooo sorry it is not on there, i will put it on there ASAP! complete oversight... i am so sorry and so glad you brought it to my attention b/c if i was you i would be stewing about it and making myself sick instead of just asking. b/c something like that would be hurtful to me.
the whole reason i wanted to share this exchange between and old dear friend of mine (who i haven't seen in almost 10 years - miss you, mel) and myself was for this reason:
I LOVE HER BOLDNESS, HER TRANSPARENCY AND HER HONESTY.
melanie was completely open, bold, honest and transparent with me. instead of letting the fact that she was removed bother her, she confronted me and asked why. before she overreacted she wanted the truth. and wanted from me. she didn't ask amy or another mutual friend why she was removed, she came straight to me. to me that says so much about melanie and who she is as a person and as a friend. she is the type of friend i want in my life. (i wish she lived closer!) the type of friend who says what she feeling and doesn't allow herself to get in the way for the sake of the friendship she does what is right. she confronts the other person and says what is on her heart.
i love and respect melanie for who she is! and i am so glad that she brought a complete error on my part to my attention -- and i did immediately add her on my blogroll!
with that said i am off to see who else i have left off my blogroll...
oh and by the way.... who is chubbacoo? check out mel's blog to find out!!
anyway, i made wonderful friendships. one of those friendships is still thriving after almost 13 years! my best friend, amy and i met when we were in college! this summer amy and i became mad myspacers. initially, jamil and i started our my spaces so we could keep up with our youth. then, amy caught onto the bandwagon and together her and i became reunited with a lot of our sorority sisters! it has been really awesome to catch up and see how different their lives are now.
one of my sisters, who was also my roommate our senior year, keeps a blog too. so i get to really keep track of her life and what is going on with her these days. melanie left me a note on myspace yesterday that i wanted to share with you. here is her message:
I was reading your latest post and looked over to read your blogroll and noticed that I am no longer listed there. Just wondering if that was an oversight---or for some other reason? mel
when i first read it i immediately knew my response. immediately. so here was my response to her - (with some editing done here):
omg... thank you soooo much for bringing it to my attention, as you can tell, my blog has been under construction and i have been revamping it. i was trying to categorize my blogroll (i have a type A (anal) personality you see) and it was an honest mistake when i deleted a bunch of them and put some under our church and then never replaced some. i was going to do an AST blogroll/category, but you are the only AST other than Amy that I know of who has a blog. Anyway all that to say.... I am soooooo sorry it is not on there, i will put it on there ASAP! complete oversight... i am so sorry and so glad you brought it to my attention b/c if i was you i would be stewing about it and making myself sick instead of just asking. b/c something like that would be hurtful to me.
the whole reason i wanted to share this exchange between and old dear friend of mine (who i haven't seen in almost 10 years - miss you, mel) and myself was for this reason:
I LOVE HER BOLDNESS, HER TRANSPARENCY AND HER HONESTY.
melanie was completely open, bold, honest and transparent with me. instead of letting the fact that she was removed bother her, she confronted me and asked why. before she overreacted she wanted the truth. and wanted from me. she didn't ask amy or another mutual friend why she was removed, she came straight to me. to me that says so much about melanie and who she is as a person and as a friend. she is the type of friend i want in my life. (i wish she lived closer!) the type of friend who says what she feeling and doesn't allow herself to get in the way for the sake of the friendship she does what is right. she confronts the other person and says what is on her heart.
i love and respect melanie for who she is! and i am so glad that she brought a complete error on my part to my attention -- and i did immediately add her on my blogroll!
with that said i am off to see who else i have left off my blogroll...
oh and by the way.... who is chubbacoo? check out mel's blog to find out!!
12.11.2007
a new day...
today, i feel better than i have in a few weeks. i have been in a real fog. i have been feeling pretty depressed and anxious. i haven't felt like getting out of bed. i haven't felt like being a mom or a wife. i haven't felt like accomplishing daily tasks. basically, you name it and i haven't felt it.
but there is something about today, i woke up feeling more refreshed and more normal. i feel a lot less gloomy and like i want to be productive. like i have come through the fog (i have cleaned 2 bathrooms, wiped the floors on my hands and knees, loaded the dishes from last nights momtourage, made a list of phone calls, cut jesiah's hair) i even took the kids outside to play in the leaves in the near 80 degree sunny weather(in the middle of december, might i add).
and i don't feel stressed about the things i haven't gotten accomplished (going through one of my baskets of junk to be put in the right homes, vacuuming bedrooms, giving the puppy a bath, downloading pictures, finish shopping, making some teacher crafts).
i have a very driven personality. very. of the four elements of a personality - i am definitely fire.
and when i am off and can't accomplish things ~ i don't feel like i am productive.
today was a new day and i felt productive and joyful! thanks be to God...
but there is something about today, i woke up feeling more refreshed and more normal. i feel a lot less gloomy and like i want to be productive. like i have come through the fog (i have cleaned 2 bathrooms, wiped the floors on my hands and knees, loaded the dishes from last nights momtourage, made a list of phone calls, cut jesiah's hair) i even took the kids outside to play in the leaves in the near 80 degree sunny weather(in the middle of december, might i add).
and i don't feel stressed about the things i haven't gotten accomplished (going through one of my baskets of junk to be put in the right homes, vacuuming bedrooms, giving the puppy a bath, downloading pictures, finish shopping, making some teacher crafts).
i have a very driven personality. very. of the four elements of a personality - i am definitely fire.
and when i am off and can't accomplish things ~ i don't feel like i am productive.
today was a new day and i felt productive and joyful! thanks be to God...
being bold...
today, i was reading my friend, jess' blog, and i was thinking about her transparency in her posts. she is so bold. she states how she feels and there are no excuses or apologies for it. i LOVE it! most of the time, i will comment on her posts, or think, wow -- she is feeling or thinking what i am thinking -- only she says it and i don't. i just love that about jess!! i also loved the fact that she posted about our fun night last night and put a link to my blog -- thanks for the shout out, jess!!!
so it got me to thinking about being bold and what sometimes holds me back from saying what i want to say or actually publishing a post that i wrote but wasn't sure about. what causes this for me sometimes? i think it is for fear of what other's may think about what i am saying. i fear the negative comments, or the lack of comments. but i am beginning to realize that i care less and less about that and care more and more about being real. because if i am not real, if i am not who God has created me to be, my blog will serve no purpose.
the purpose of my blog is for others to read and be inspired to seek God in all the things that they encounter in their lives. if i only paint a picture of a perfect christian life, they don't get an accurate one. i don't think that i do only that, but i think what i can do now is not hold back, i can be bold without a second thought.
so it got me to thinking about being bold and what sometimes holds me back from saying what i want to say or actually publishing a post that i wrote but wasn't sure about. what causes this for me sometimes? i think it is for fear of what other's may think about what i am saying. i fear the negative comments, or the lack of comments. but i am beginning to realize that i care less and less about that and care more and more about being real. because if i am not real, if i am not who God has created me to be, my blog will serve no purpose.
the purpose of my blog is for others to read and be inspired to seek God in all the things that they encounter in their lives. if i only paint a picture of a perfect christian life, they don't get an accurate one. i don't think that i do only that, but i think what i can do now is not hold back, i can be bold without a second thought.
12.07.2007
been elfed?????
like i don't have anything better to do... i have spent the last 45 minutes elfing our family! it is sooo funny!
if you haven't seen this, it is too cute. click below to check out how we have been elfed...
it all started when...
our babysitters kidnapped 2 of our kids and our friend's kid too!
then i had to put my family in it...
my j crew has been elfed!
and then i knew my sister would love it too...
my sister, jordyn and i were elfed
then do your family too!!!!!!
if you haven't seen this, it is too cute. click below to check out how we have been elfed...
it all started when...
our babysitters kidnapped 2 of our kids and our friend's kid too!
then i had to put my family in it...
my j crew has been elfed!
and then i knew my sister would love it too...
my sister, jordyn and i were elfed
then do your family too!!!!!!
12.06.2007
kind of quiet...
i feel like i have been kind of "quiet" on my blog lately. i have actually have had a lot of things going on -- inside and out -- i have had a lot of thoughts of things i should blog about, then i change my mind and decide not to , or i will forget that great idea i came up with (call it mommy brain).
just so you know, life hasn't really been quiet, it's just my thoughts on what to blog about. i was reading my friend kelly's blog today and i am so glad that she isn't going to stop blogging!
although, i do understand that thought - i think it often. one of the goals of my blog is to be transparent. sometimes i feel like the things i really want to write about would be way too transparent. but then when i try to blog and i am only scratching the surface of what is going on with me i feel like i am being too "surfacey".
i really strive to be real and i want people to know who i am. i want to be who i am and not who others want me to be. to me that has been a really important part of my christian journey. and i want that to be apparent on my blog.
so, this week i have been struggling with my posts and what to say and how to say it. i actually have experienced a little bit of writer's block when it comes to the really deep stuff i want to share.
bear with me as i get through this and hopefully i will be back to posting more transparent and real stuff!! until then, i have a lot of not so deep things to share!!!
just so you know, life hasn't really been quiet, it's just my thoughts on what to blog about. i was reading my friend kelly's blog today and i am so glad that she isn't going to stop blogging!
although, i do understand that thought - i think it often. one of the goals of my blog is to be transparent. sometimes i feel like the things i really want to write about would be way too transparent. but then when i try to blog and i am only scratching the surface of what is going on with me i feel like i am being too "surfacey".
i really strive to be real and i want people to know who i am. i want to be who i am and not who others want me to be. to me that has been a really important part of my christian journey. and i want that to be apparent on my blog.
so, this week i have been struggling with my posts and what to say and how to say it. i actually have experienced a little bit of writer's block when it comes to the really deep stuff i want to share.
bear with me as i get through this and hopefully i will be back to posting more transparent and real stuff!! until then, i have a lot of not so deep things to share!!!
12.03.2007
who's the ring bearer?
yesterday on our way home from church joshua asked me why daddy is pastor furtick's ring bearer every week - then he asked is he getting married every time?
i told joshua that his daddy is not pastor's ring bearer - he is his armor bearer.
joshua asked what that was. so i began to explain to him by using the analogy of the armor of God and how daddy serves as an armor bearer. we talked about the armor of God and how when we have it on we are protected from satan. we talked about some of the pieces of the armor and what they meant.
then i asked josh what did you do as a ring bearer in your aunt's wedding, he said he carried the fake ring. so, then i asked him if he was the ring bearer in a wedding and carried the ring and daddy is the armor bearer for pastor what does daddy carry and he said the armor to protect pastor furtick from the bad guys. he asked if daddy carried a gun too. i told him that the armor daddy carried was to protect pastor from anything that may keep him away from God when he is preparing to speak at church. that daddy's job at church was to keep pastor protected from whatever may interfere with pastor's job to preach the word of God. but without any weapons -- we will leave that to the guys who are trained to do that!
i am thrilled that joshua is able to see this biblical application in his own church. and to see his daddy in this role is an awesome example. i think this speaks volumes as we try to raise our little man to be a big man of god!!
just another reason why we love elevation church and are completely sold out for what is going on there!! we are a blessed to serve at and be a part of a church who is dedicated to seeing lives changed and will go to any measure to have that happen - from having our pastor, an awesome man of God, protected by a "ring bearer" to the magnificent creativity that is demonstrated at each church service!
if you haven't been you have to check it out!!!! it is an amazing experience and to top it off we saw 142 people come to know Christ yesterday!!
i told joshua that his daddy is not pastor's ring bearer - he is his armor bearer.
joshua asked what that was. so i began to explain to him by using the analogy of the armor of God and how daddy serves as an armor bearer. we talked about the armor of God and how when we have it on we are protected from satan. we talked about some of the pieces of the armor and what they meant.
then i asked josh what did you do as a ring bearer in your aunt's wedding, he said he carried the fake ring. so, then i asked him if he was the ring bearer in a wedding and carried the ring and daddy is the armor bearer for pastor what does daddy carry and he said the armor to protect pastor furtick from the bad guys. he asked if daddy carried a gun too. i told him that the armor daddy carried was to protect pastor from anything that may keep him away from God when he is preparing to speak at church. that daddy's job at church was to keep pastor protected from whatever may interfere with pastor's job to preach the word of God. but without any weapons -- we will leave that to the guys who are trained to do that!
i am thrilled that joshua is able to see this biblical application in his own church. and to see his daddy in this role is an awesome example. i think this speaks volumes as we try to raise our little man to be a big man of god!!
just another reason why we love elevation church and are completely sold out for what is going on there!! we are a blessed to serve at and be a part of a church who is dedicated to seeing lives changed and will go to any measure to have that happen - from having our pastor, an awesome man of God, protected by a "ring bearer" to the magnificent creativity that is demonstrated at each church service!
if you haven't been you have to check it out!!!! it is an amazing experience and to top it off we saw 142 people come to know Christ yesterday!!
up way too late...
on pretty much every sunday, i will get home from church before jamil. his role at elevation keeps him there longer than me. today when he got home, i was so tired -- that isn't even the right word, i was exhausted nearly to tears. there was a lot that needed to be done today before we started the week. we got our tree yesterday and there was pine needles and decorations and ornaments all over the place. there were dishes piled high and a dishwasher to unload. not to mention laundry that needed to be done and lunches to be packed.
so, being the wonderful husband and daddy he is - he "allowed" (i use that very loosely) me to retreat into my bedroom and take a nap. i slept from 3:30 until 5:30. i felt pretty good when i woke up still a little grumpy but much better. we were able to conquer all the tasks at hand. although the tree decorating wasn't as glorious as i had worked it up to be in my mind. while jamil was doing the dishes, i worked with the kids on decorating the tree and that was a chore. the ornaments were everywhere and the kid's were too. it was crazy.
because of my nap, i am now wide awake at 1:00 am. when i submitted my last post and it is reading as Monday it hit me how late it has gotten. wow, tomorrow morning is already here. and i have to be up in a couple of hours.
it is hard to believe tomorrow is monday. my mind is whirling of all the things that are going on this week and in the next couple of weeks.
~ i was asked to plan jordyn's christmas party on friday, so i will be putting the finishing touches on the craft and the story i will be doing (yes, i got stuck with the craft - none of the other mom's were crazy enough to take that on)
~ jamil and joshua start basketball practice on tuesday. i say both of them b/c jamil has agreed to coach josh's team this year.
~ joshua's music program for school is thursday night!
~ we switched our high school small group to tuesday night b/c of the music program - acutally our student's chose that option, we thought we might take the week off - but they didn't agree with that. they love small group -- i will save that for another post!
~ i have a few deadlines i have to meet for christmas -- gift deadlines - ones i can't explain in case one of the receivers is reading this.
~ every year i face the christmas card dilemna. i am all set for the christmas card part atleast i know what i am doing, i just need to do it. the dilemna is do i do the annual christmas letter or omit it this year. it has been a tradition and i hate to break it but will i have the time??? forgive me if your card is just that with no letter this year
~ we have 2 out of 3 of the kid's presents completed. just one left to buy for. we are praying for a good deal to come our way on a game system!
ok, just thinking about all of those things has made me exhausted again - i am finally off to bed!!
so, being the wonderful husband and daddy he is - he "allowed" (i use that very loosely) me to retreat into my bedroom and take a nap. i slept from 3:30 until 5:30. i felt pretty good when i woke up still a little grumpy but much better. we were able to conquer all the tasks at hand. although the tree decorating wasn't as glorious as i had worked it up to be in my mind. while jamil was doing the dishes, i worked with the kids on decorating the tree and that was a chore. the ornaments were everywhere and the kid's were too. it was crazy.
because of my nap, i am now wide awake at 1:00 am. when i submitted my last post and it is reading as Monday it hit me how late it has gotten. wow, tomorrow morning is already here. and i have to be up in a couple of hours.
it is hard to believe tomorrow is monday. my mind is whirling of all the things that are going on this week and in the next couple of weeks.
~ i was asked to plan jordyn's christmas party on friday, so i will be putting the finishing touches on the craft and the story i will be doing (yes, i got stuck with the craft - none of the other mom's were crazy enough to take that on)
~ jamil and joshua start basketball practice on tuesday. i say both of them b/c jamil has agreed to coach josh's team this year.
~ joshua's music program for school is thursday night!
~ we switched our high school small group to tuesday night b/c of the music program - acutally our student's chose that option, we thought we might take the week off - but they didn't agree with that. they love small group -- i will save that for another post!
~ i have a few deadlines i have to meet for christmas -- gift deadlines - ones i can't explain in case one of the receivers is reading this.
~ every year i face the christmas card dilemna. i am all set for the christmas card part atleast i know what i am doing, i just need to do it. the dilemna is do i do the annual christmas letter or omit it this year. it has been a tradition and i hate to break it but will i have the time??? forgive me if your card is just that with no letter this year
~ we have 2 out of 3 of the kid's presents completed. just one left to buy for. we are praying for a good deal to come our way on a game system!
ok, just thinking about all of those things has made me exhausted again - i am finally off to bed!!
baby fever...
those of you who know me, this post will not come as a surprise. i've got it bad. baby fever that is. it has been creeping up on me for a few months and now i am completely infected with it! i just watched two episodes of private practice and the fever is getting higher! for those of you who don't watch the show - there are a lot of babies and pregnant moms on the show. wow! just my kind of show.
yesterday, i had the privilege of taking care of our friend's baby girl - while jamil helped them move. she actually just turned one. she is as precious as can be. i loved having her for the day -- loved it! she was as gold as gold! my kid's loved having a baby around. they asked me when can they have a baby sister or baby brother -- i said ask your daddy!
on friday, i saw my midwife at preschool -her kiddos go there. and we were talking and it made me think of having jesiah which was over two and a half years ago. i began to feel the fever rise.
a lot of people ask us if and when we will add another child to our family. and honestly i don't even think we know the answer to that right now. it is weird because over the last seven almost eight years -- this is the longest span that i haven't been pregnant or caring for a newborn. so i think my mind and body is like in shock from having no pregnancy hormones running through it. maybe some kind of withdrawl?
i have friends who have children, whether it is two or three or six and know without a shadow of a doubt that there family is complete. they feel a sense of closure and know they are done adding to their families. i don't have that. i haven't had that ever in the last eight years. i always feel like someone is missing in our family. even amongst the craziness and noise i feel like it isn't crazy or loud enough and there is room for one more. our van can handle a car seat for one more, our dining room table seats 6 - enough for one more. now our house, may be pushing it to fit in one more - size/space wise but there is enough love to go around and that is what matters most.
i am always thinking i am missing someone when i have my kids with me. i will count to make sure that all are near me and feel like i am looking for number four. i thought i was crazy doing this until my friend, marybeth, said she felt and did the same way before adding her sixth child. her saying that to me really confirmed what i was feeling. she also reminded me of God's perspective on having children. they are a blessing, they are of Him and He will provide and overcome whatever obstacle may be in the way from preventing His will on your family.
so, i chose to believe that God will remove the obstacles that are holding us back from having another child - if that is His will for our family. if He was mighty enough to raise His only Son from the grave, he is mighty enough to take care of our situation.
He will also take care of our insecurities of how we would handle another baby. honestly, there are days when i don't think i could handle another child -- my three are quite enough. i have prayed for a sense of closure if our family is complete and haven't felt it. i still can't shake the baby fever.
this is a part of my "sun stand still" prayer. i am praying that God will allow the sun to stand still for us to get our house in order so that we can have another child one day. until then i am going to start paying some of you to let me hold your babies so it will help subside my baby fever.
yesterday, i had the privilege of taking care of our friend's baby girl - while jamil helped them move. she actually just turned one. she is as precious as can be. i loved having her for the day -- loved it! she was as gold as gold! my kid's loved having a baby around. they asked me when can they have a baby sister or baby brother -- i said ask your daddy!
on friday, i saw my midwife at preschool -her kiddos go there. and we were talking and it made me think of having jesiah which was over two and a half years ago. i began to feel the fever rise.
a lot of people ask us if and when we will add another child to our family. and honestly i don't even think we know the answer to that right now. it is weird because over the last seven almost eight years -- this is the longest span that i haven't been pregnant or caring for a newborn. so i think my mind and body is like in shock from having no pregnancy hormones running through it. maybe some kind of withdrawl?
i have friends who have children, whether it is two or three or six and know without a shadow of a doubt that there family is complete. they feel a sense of closure and know they are done adding to their families. i don't have that. i haven't had that ever in the last eight years. i always feel like someone is missing in our family. even amongst the craziness and noise i feel like it isn't crazy or loud enough and there is room for one more. our van can handle a car seat for one more, our dining room table seats 6 - enough for one more. now our house, may be pushing it to fit in one more - size/space wise but there is enough love to go around and that is what matters most.
i am always thinking i am missing someone when i have my kids with me. i will count to make sure that all are near me and feel like i am looking for number four. i thought i was crazy doing this until my friend, marybeth, said she felt and did the same way before adding her sixth child. her saying that to me really confirmed what i was feeling. she also reminded me of God's perspective on having children. they are a blessing, they are of Him and He will provide and overcome whatever obstacle may be in the way from preventing His will on your family.
so, i chose to believe that God will remove the obstacles that are holding us back from having another child - if that is His will for our family. if He was mighty enough to raise His only Son from the grave, he is mighty enough to take care of our situation.
He will also take care of our insecurities of how we would handle another baby. honestly, there are days when i don't think i could handle another child -- my three are quite enough. i have prayed for a sense of closure if our family is complete and haven't felt it. i still can't shake the baby fever.
this is a part of my "sun stand still" prayer. i am praying that God will allow the sun to stand still for us to get our house in order so that we can have another child one day. until then i am going to start paying some of you to let me hold your babies so it will help subside my baby fever.
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